Backtracking

I’ve been incredibly neglectful of my blog lately, and quite a bit has happened.  If you’ve followed me on twitter, you probably know the majority of my past few months. If you haven’t followed me on Twitter, here’s the gist:

• A kiitten fell into my lap!  No, really, it did.  A friend of mine had a litter of kittens, and needed a home, so Mike, the stray roommate we took in, said he’d take one.  When I moved, he came with, because Mike wasn’t around the apartment with Utt and Futt all that much to care for him.  Originally, his name was Gabriel (not my choice, and he isn’t that much of an angel), but I’ve since changed his name to Bolt.  He tries to bolt out doors, and is VERY quick.  Isn’t he precious?  He LOVES this laundry basket!

• June 27th – Went to see Legally Blonde, the musical, with my friend, Jennifer, who had 2 tickets, and her hubby isn’t so much of a fan of musicals, she thought to invite me.  It was hilarious, I really enjoyed it!  I had no idea musicals could be so good, or funny even.
• June 28th – Jeremy and I got into an argument, over the ratio of dirty dishes to clean dishes in the kitchen…the kitchen was ALWAYS a mess, and hardly had any clean dishes, and were lucky if we could even use the faucet, they’d be piled so high.  If they were mine, they’d been cleaned, but I didn’t cook in that kitchen much because it was always in a disarray.  Basically, I asked if the kitchen was ever going to be clean, and he said he was “fixin’ to do it”….he’s ALWAYS “fixin'” to do something, but never gets done.  He then told me he wanted me out by the end of the month, and I calmly said “no” which ticked him off, and so he called the cops telling them I was trespassing!  At this point, I’d already lived there over 2 months, and it’s not like I just snuck in the house and have lived there undetected.  I went in my room, waiting for the county sherrif to show up, and prove that I’d established residency.  He then comes in my room, yelling at me, telling me that if I’d asked nicely, maybe he’d do the dishes.  I asked him if he, at the age of 23, really needed to be told to clean up after himself.  He then proceded to grab my duffel bag of dirty clothes, and throw them out the front door.  I, of course, went running after it.  As I was picking up my clothes, I made the comment to Chris, Jeremy’s boyfriend about how he’s got a real winner, which set Jeremy off, and he then began shoving me out the door.  My buddy, James, was outside the door as well, and he and Chris told him to stop, as I’m yelling.  Jeremy stopped, then ran back to my room, and smashed my floor lamp in his rage.  I, then, feeling unsafe, called the cops, myself.  Cops came, and asked me if I wanted them to arrest him.  I felt, ONLY because he didn’t actually hit me, that it wasn’t necessary, but the officers advised I leave for the night, which I did.  Jeremy, being the liar he is, told the cops my lamp was broken from the door swinging open, which was never the case.  Jeremy tried changing the locks previously, and I asked the officers tell him not to change them on me, and they warned him.  The officers stayed until I left, which I was grateful for.  I stayed the night at my good friend, Jennifer’s house, and was grateful she took me in.
• June 29th – As if I hadn’t already had a rough weekend, it only got worst when i was pulled over by a cop, for expired tags…I passed him only because he was on his cell phone, and figured a man can’t multi-task, and pay attention to my tags at the same time!  He’s an exception, I suppose.  He got me, and decided to mark me down for 2 infractions, instead of just expired tags, which cost me an additional $12.
• June 30th – found me a new place to move, thought it would be great, living with a couple of girls, back in Bellevue, and pretty cheap.  Put down first months rent that day, needing to get away from the messy living situation I was in.  I was grateful for her taking me in.  The downside was it was only 3 months, because the one girl was getting married, and her and her husband were going to live there.  I didn’t care, just needed to feel safe.
• July 2nd – MOVING DAY!  Was SO glad to be done with the drama.  Didn’t unpack half of my stuff, knowing it was only a short term lease.  The first weekend there, I thought I was in heaven…the sink was void of any dirty dishes, AND I could hear the vacuum being used!  NEVER would’ve happened at the old place!

I Can’t Make This Stuff Up!

Yep, MORE roommate drama!  I somehow manage to attract all of the mentally unstable.  I, myself, think I’m fairly stable in that area, so I’m not sure why me.  It turns out everything that ever came out of Jeremy’s mouth was a lie.  His own father said so.  He’d never even been in the marines!  All his little stories probably came from his father, who actually did spend time in the military.  His father stated he is a pathological liar, and just can’t help it, along with being bipolar and schizophrenic.  I got wind of this info, and, seeing as I had to live with the dude, wasn’t going to confront him on it, but I did mention it to my roommate, Mike, who was in the army, and knew a buddy that works for the Department of Defense, called him to see if he could pull anything up on him, like an enlistment/discharge date…NOTHING!  He tells people he was shot in the knee, yet, no bullet holes or scarring of any kind, hm!  His father said he fell on concrete, which is why his knee hurts him every now and again. Kind of a far stretch, don’t ya think?  He also says he had 981 confirmed kills as a sniper in Iraq.  Mike says that is WAY too high of a number.  He showed me his bipolar/schizophrenic medication, but he’s not taking it like he should.  And there’s no way the military would have even accepted him if he was on medication!

Another one of his lies is about his birthday.  He likes to tell everyone his birthday is on Halloween.  He says he was birthed my a midwife, in a podunk town, on October 23rd, and she was a little slow in filing the paperwork, like 8 days slow, therefore, his birth certificate states he was born on the 31st.  I’ve seen his birth certificate. Not the case.  Only because he carries it in his wallet, and it fell out, is why I saw it.  He decided to invade my privacy (shame on me for leaving my phone in the other room unsupervised), and went through my cell phone, and saw text messages I had with a friend, comparing stories of pathological liars in our lives. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? He then started rattling off the things he’s been accused of per the text messages to his boyfriend.  He asked me if I had seen his birth certificate, I said no, only because I saw it briefly, and never had posession of it. He couldn’t find it, so he decided to call the police!  I had to talk to 3 cops over this!  I apologized for them having to come out, but that he’s just upset he was caught in a lie, and is now throwing a fit, and that’s what they told him outside in the parking lot, after they left.  Nothing accomplished there, so he wasn’t happy.  I really wish I were a fly on the wall when those cops left!  They had no idea what to think, I’m sure!

Mike was gone through the whole ordeal, and came back home to this mess.  Jeremy had called him about his birth certificate, which Mike didn’t have, he told him it fell out, but that he put it back.  Utt and Fut (as we refer to Chris and Jeremy) were out of the apartment, so I explained what happened, and I felt bad for having left my phone out, because Jeremy was ready to kick Mike out.  Mike called Jeremy, and after that phone call, Mike was ready to kill Jeremy.  I haven’t known Mike long, but he’s not one to get angry all that easily.  He asked me to take him over to his buddy’s house, because he felt if he saw Jeremy, he would’ve done something stupid.  I took him over, and wished I could’ve stayed there too!

Tuesday rolls around, and I made myself scarce.  Not knowing how long I’d be gone, I even grabbed some snacks and lunch and dinner to take with me.  I just knew I wanted to avoid the apartment for awhile, and not spend money, nor inconvenience anyone. I bummed over at my friend’s house, and babysat for her, in return.  Later that night, I went and picked Mike up, and we went back home.  I feel much better when he’s around.  Jeremy won’t mess with me if he’s there!  Jeremy still hasn’t said much, if anything to me.  He talks through Mike, making it loud enough for me to hear.  He says he’d rather confront an issue, and gets mad if people talk about him, yet he’s NOTORIOUS for talking about other people behind their backs!  Mike and I tell each other what Jeremy says, and it amazes me how much crap can spew out of one mouth!

Wednesday night (this has all happened this week, mind you), Jeremy shows Mike this letter (again, he doesn’t talk to me, so I never saw the letter) that supposedly says everyone in the apartment must have a job in 5 days, or on the 6th day, will be evicted.  NEVER heard of such a thing, MY rent’s always been paid.  Thursday morning, I went into the office to ask about the terms.  I told them i was subleasing, and I was advised that’s not allowed per the lease agreement.  They said names can be added to the lease, but not removed.  I said I had no idea, but was under the impression Jeremy had called them to say Mike and I were living here.  She said all names on the lease (including Marie) would need to approve for the addition.  She said they’d heard there were unauthorized people living there, and said Marie had called. I grabbed some applications and left.  I got home later that day, and Jeremy is saying something that didn’t make sense, so I called down to the office for clarification, and come to find out JEREMY was the one who called saying there were unauthorized people living here!  Yeah, I’m unauthorized, in that I just came and snuck all my crap in the apartment one day, and have been living undetected the whole time…PLEASE!  Jeremy and Chris refuse to add my name to the lease, because I’m apparently talking so much crap about him.  So, now, he is worried he would get evicted if we don’t leave.  Guess what?  I’m not leaving by next week!  He was in the wrong for subleasing, because I’m guessing Marie didn’t even realize anyone was moving in to replace her, and amazingly enough, any time he said she’d supposedly been back to the apartment, Jeremy was the only one here to witness it.  It is just irritating to me that now I can’t believe a thing that comes out of his mouth.  I can’t afford to move out at the moment, nor have anywhere to go, so I’m stuck here for the time being.

Anyone wanna trade lives?

Bringing You Up To Speed

Since the last time I blogged (seems like forever, really), I have moved out from living with “Joan Crawford“, and now reside with a gay couple (and their cat, let’s not forget the damn cat)!  They are 23 year-old guys, and not all that bad in relation to previous roommates.

Jeremy – The outgoing roommate, former marine, country boy, owns a ghost hunting company

Chris – AKA Sunshine, very quiet, acts like a child, walks around holding his game boy ALL the time

Winslett – The damn cat.  They couldn’t have picked a gayer name if they tried!

Mike – (36) Army dude who moved in with us temporarily, but has now turned into indefinitely. Unemployed, and vehicle doesn’t run. He dated Chris years ago, but only went out a couple of times because Chris played his game boy all through dinner!

Nick – (19) Mike’s boyfriend, who lives in Columbia.  Only had a part-time job. No vehicle

Why ME?

I know it seems like my roommate issues have been an ongoing theme here at Schmidt Happens, but, for some reason, I have a real gift for finding the worst roommates.  I know what you’re thinking…maybe it’s me.  It’s not.  All the issues are different.  If they were the same ones, I’d think it was me too, but I couldn’t make up the weird ones if I tried!  I really think I’m a reasonable roommate, not the best, I have my flaws, and I’ll be the first to admit it.  My roommate, on the other hand, fails to see that she has any, and is now holding me to standards that she, herself, doesn’t uphold.

And so the saga continues…

118 – Enforce an unreasonable policy

Keri (roommate) comes into my room earlier today (Sunday) and says something along the lines of “I really didn’t want to have to do this, but I tried to make it work, and it just hadn’t” and hands me a sheet of paper:

I, stupidly (shame on me), signed the note without reading the whole thing because I just wanted her out of my room.  If you caught the last line, it states “it is not to be discussed with any other person,” so apparently, I’m not allowed the freedom of speech, according to her, but you know me…I’m SO not the quiet type.

I am wondering if she is just looking for an excuse to kick me out, does she not want the rent money? Does she just not like me? I thought we were really getting along lately, and she hadn’t bitched about anything in awile.  That’s what threw me for the loop, I really can’t tell you the last time she complained about something silly, I thought she was loosening up a little.  NOPE.

My friend, Katie, advised I better start looking for a new place to live.   Like I said, I’m not the greatest roommate.  I MAY not put my groceries away immediately, and I MAY not necessarily put my dishes away at the moment the dishwasher is done, but I’m respectful of her and her things, and keep to myself a lot of the time.  There are FAR worst people out there.  And I LOVE how “the ceramic stovetop cleaner will be used by Landlord.” Can I not be trusted with that even???  I have a wicker basket on the counter in there, and now, I can’t even put what I want in my own freakin’ basket!  Am I the only one thinking this is absurd?!?!?!?!?  The bathroom is not nearly as bad as she makes it sound, I swear she makes special trips in there just to see what it looks like.  The only thing on the floor of the bathroom is my rugs and dog hair, from HER dog!  I really just want to scream.  I feel like I’ve bent over backwards trying to make her happy, even giving myself a curfew, and I’ve done really well, trying to be home by 10pm as to not wake her up.  My friend asked if I’d slipped up on curfew and that’s what started it, I said there’s no way…had that been an issue, you’d better be sure it’d be included in this screwed up “policy.” I just don’t understand why it is I have to endure such insanity…the only silver lining is great blogging material, as a friend has pointed out before.

If anyone happens to know of someone NORMAL needing a roommate (preferably) on the west side of downtown, at a reasonable rate, please let me know.  I’ll pretty much be out on my butt in 2 weeks.

Have you had any HORRIBLE roommate experiences? If so, what did you do to combat them?

Going Bananas!

Back to our series of How To Irritate Your Roommate, she’s done it again! I honestly don’t think I’m a bad roommate, not perfect, but I could be SO much worse.  In case you’re new here, click here to catch up

117 – Throw their food away

I had bought a hand (or so it’s called) of bananas…there were 7.  I ate 2-3, so simple math would conclude I had at least 4 remaining.  I came home one day last week, and there were 2 bananas. I didn’t remember seeing a chaquite sticker on the ones I bought, so I assumed they were her’s. I still wondered what happened to mine, but hadn’t seen the roommate to ask her (she drives me nuts, so I try to stay clear for the most part).   A couple days later, she tells me she threw them away because she just can’t stand to see bananas go bad, and something about how she used to grow them.  She did offer to replace them, which I appreciated, but with as much stuff she has in the fridge that I’m sure has something growing on it, you’d think she would’ve just left it.  Don’t mess with my bananas, or fruit, or food, or ANYTHING!  I know it sounds VERY possessive, but she’s the same way.  I wouldn’t dare throw her food away (because there’s really no telling what it is), that’s her stuff, I leave it alone.  I think it’s because it’s her house that she feels entitlement, and I can understand that to a point, but there are quite a few cases where she’s crossed the line.

How To Irritate Your Roommate…AGAIN!!

116 – NAG your roommate to death!!!

I came home earlier tonight and she came out of her room, and said she wasn’t sure if I’d actually cleaned the kitchen or the bathroom!!  I advised her that I had done it the night before.  She said because I hadn’t marked off her stupid check sheet, she couldn’t tell!  If she could smell ANYTHING, the kitchen still smells like Pine Sol, and the counters were clean!!!  I also told her I cleaned the bathroom, but she then asked about the sink, and so I went in to clean it, even though I’d done it over the weekend.  My anger may have come out on my twitter, asking about a cheap hitman and all, but as soon as I get a job, I’m O-U-T!!!!!  I haven’t been nagged this much by my own mother…EVER!!!

How To Irritate Your Roommate (Yup, It Continues)

If you’ve missed the previous installations of this “series” read them HERE

WARNING:  You WILL be grossed out!

112 – Put your roommate on Probation.

It’s not as easy as originally thought.  I might as well live with my mother!  I love you, Mom, but one of us would be driven clinically insane!

113 – Have a DISGUSTING kitchen

At least my mother doesn’t have this: Exhibit A

The inside of the freezer

Exhibit B

Inside the fridge

What are those black specks, you ask?  DEAD FLIES!!!!  I’ve learned I NEED to take a look in people’s fridges/freezers PRIOR to moving in.  Had I seen this, I think I would’ve looked elsewhere.

114 – Hound your roommate about not cleaning

After the above, she tells ME I don’t clean well!  I came in the door last night (after a long day, and on NO sleep), and the kitchen was not in tip-top condition (I thought I’d be home sooner and beat her in the door from her being gone since the day before), there were just some empty containers that needed to be thrown away, and trash needed to be taken out, really.  She started in the first minute about how I needed to clean the countertops, mop the floor, and then complained about my bathroom (also the guest bathroom)!!!  She told me I needed to remember to clean the toilet bowl.  I bit my tongue, those who know me would be proud!  I hurriedly cleaned, just to appease her.  She has also told me I need to keep my bedroom clean, of which the $400 I pay in rent should allow me some freedom of personal space.  I, however, did leave this dead one for her:

I clean that kitchen more than she does on a daily basis, so she can clean up the dead bugs, they were certainly residing here BEFORE I moved in.

115 – Don’t clean up after your dog

She’s got a white dog, and dark hardwood floors, so I understand dog hair will be much more evident, HOWEVER, the dog hair is in massive clumps, and it’s everywhere!!!!  I don’t even like walking around without shoes because my socks would be covered in hair.  I don’t use but the kitchen and my room/bathroom, so it’s all her when it comes to that.  Plus, I told her I refuse to be responsible for her dog whatsoever. Here’s a LOVELY example of the clumps that surround the dinner table, the living room, hallway, etc…

I’m On Probation

…with my roommate!  I just moved in here on the 19th, and yesterday, she tells me “I don’t think it’s gonna work out.”  Sadly, that wasn’t the first time I’d heard that one, but NEVER from a roommate!  She says this because of different schedules and she says she didn’t get but two nights of good sleep all week, and that she could hear when I came in at night (she needs decent earplugs, I am not loud coming in)

1. Sunday night (first weeknight since I moved in):  I was on the phone with someone and she did have to come in twice saying she could hear everything through her earplugs.  The second time, I really thought I was quiet enough. She was back in bed by 11:30pm, I didn’t see it as that big of a deal, but would be more aware the next time
2. Tuesday night: I came home late (around 2am) and she locked the top lock on the door, and I couldn’t get in the door.  I fooled with this lock for 20 minutes, waking her up was my LAST resort.  I tried to get in through the patio door…NOTHING worked.  I knocked the first time, and no response, the 2nd time, she came and got the door, and said you just have to fool with it.  The next day, she came home and said she tried to get it to work with my key, and it didn’t.  I also apologized for having to wake her up.  Not my fault, except I guess I could’ve been home earlier.
3. Thursday night: I did get home late, was hanging out with The Mix for game night, and then went to Waffle house afterwards, and got into reading my book, THE SHACK, which I’m really liking.  I did turn on the radio, HOWEVER, it wasn’t loud (really, it wasn’t) and it took her a good half an hour to come in, of which, she just opened the door, and I wasn’t dressed (not cool!), but I’ll forgive that, she was probably blind without her contacts or glasses anyway.

I then went and talked to my mom and she told me to see about negotiating with her.  I thought about it and figured it was certainly worth a try, I can’t afford to move again, nor do I want to have to stress about finding a decent place to live again.  I then went in and asked her if I could stay if I came in by a certain time, and turned off all noise, if that would be an option.  She said she would think about it.  Today, she said we’ll do a trial run, until the middle of October, and see how it works out.  I agreed, and told her I appreciated a 2nd chance.  I also explained to her that, until I start working again, my schedule is off, but I’d be willing to go by her’s, and turn off all noise (which reminds me, I need to look for some cordless headphones, if there is such a thing).  The rent is so cheap, I’ll almost walk her dog just to stay (ALMOST, let’s not get crazy now!).  So, I have a curfew now, let’s hope she doesn’t find another reason to give me the boot!  My friend, Victor, said I shouldn’t have to negotiate, because I do pay, but it IS her condo, and I didn’t sign a lease.

On another note, do you think I have too many roommate issues, that I have a WHOLE category assigned to roommates?

How To Irritate Your Roommate 111

Well, if you’ve missed my previous posts about my horrible roommate, or former roommate, at this point, you can read them here, here, and here!  We are moving on to:

111 – Move out, and don’t clean up after yourself!!

Hannah has now moved out, turns out Rachel pretty much has, as well.  Hannah, however, moved all her stuff out, temporarily made the front of our apartment look like it was the junk left over from a rummage sale, but failed to leave her room in the condition she received it in!  I went into her room, OBVIOUSLY no vacuum had seen that floor, probably, since we’d moved in!  There was some trash left, and I don’t want to get in trouble for it!  She then told me I could keep whatever she left as far as food, which, then also leaves me to clean out the fridge, of which is ONLY a mess because she spilled kool-aid all over it!  She only left me a jar of pickles, a couple cans of sprite and other crap i won’t touch.  Then, as I was going through the downstairs closet, she left her Christmas tree holder, and other crap I don’t want to and shouldn’t have to take care of!!!!  I’m not a happy camper!

In Other News:

My apartment now looks like someone robbed it, but left the good couch, a chair (both of which are Rachel’s, she hasn’t called me back to let me know when she’s coming to get those), and a TV on top of a coffee table.  REALLY pitiful!  And I don’t have one fork in the house, I have 140 spoons, but NO FORKS!!!!  I had a blond moment and apparently bought 2 boxes of spoons, thinking it was a combination of forks, spoons and knives.  Ramen noodles aren’t easy to heat with spoons, unless you crunch them up very finely, still a pain!!!  I haven’t figured out a place to live yet, so I’m stressing out about that, and the job thing!  I tried calling for unemployment, but they love to hang up on you, the recording says there may be high call volume, when I’m calling right as they open, and then says they can’t take my call!!!  I called 5 times today!!!  I’m just a little stressed at the moment!!!

She-e-e-e-e-eila!!!

This is Dr. Sheila…

We were suite-mates (we shared a bathroom between rooms in the dorms) in college, for 2 years, both had our issues with roommates, and made each other laugh, even when we were afraid we were going to fail a class, or were uncertain about how our decisions would pan out post college, and ended up BFF’s in the process!! She’s now in Chicago, a pharmacist, and I’m trying to get her to move to Nashville, she did like it here, and she’s sick of paying $1300 for rent (can’t say that I blame her)!! I hadn’t seen her since we graduated May of 2006, so it was exciting to meet up!!!!

On Thursday, we went to see this girl perform, and she was amazing, as always! Katie tagged along too, and she’s always an added bonus! Friday, we had a mini barbecue here in the 865 Bellevue complex, and Katie and Sarah joined us, and had a grand ol’ time! We then made an attempt at a dessert…

I was watching the Food Network one day, and they had a company who made chocolate covered frozen bananas, so why couldn’t we???? Well, probably because we don’t have the equipment, but we tried!!!!! They weren’t all that bad, and Sheila loved the sprinkle addition!!!! Next time, we think we’ll fondue it! The next day, we cooked, we made fried eggplant (a personal favorite), marinated chicken (you don’t know what your missing until you’ve had this chicken, promise!), and broccoli…and it was nothing less than fantastic, in my book, and Sheila loved it. She said she didn’t expect to learn to cook, and she said it was so easy. I told her it’s Chef Schmidt style, and I only do easy ha ha!!! I even sent a picture of the food to my mother as proof I do cook, she called laughing!!!!

That day, we went wandering around downtown, I pointed out where Nicole and Keith Urban have a condo, and told her she needs to move there, and I’ll move in with her…she did like the downtown, but she said it’d be at least a year until she changes jobs. I got my fingers crossed!!!! Sunday, she went to church with me, she said she’s not a singer, so she didn’t sing, but she said she enjoyed it, so that was cool!!! We then had our little luncheon afterwards, which Emily and Jason did a fantastic job cooking!!!! Sheila decided to stick around until Monday, which was great! We went to have Chinese over at China Spring, which was pretty good, and went to TCBY, and James, a friend of mine, joined us!!!! We woke up today, she said she wanted some grits, we went to waffle house Friday, and she had loved them then, she offered to pay, so how could I refuse that??  Yes, I can be bought, and it usually doesn’t take much!!!!!  She left earlier today, and it was just a good time for her to come, I’ve just been in a rut, with no job, and what not, and she needed a change of scenery, so it was a great visit!!!!  Thanks Sheila for coming ALL the way from Chicago to visit little ol’ me!!!!