Tag Archive: food


Why ME?

I know it seems like my roommate issues have been an ongoing theme here at Schmidt Happens, but, for some reason, I have a real gift for finding the worst roommates.  I know what you’re thinking…maybe it’s me.  It’s not.  All the issues are different.  If they were the same ones, I’d think it was me too, but I couldn’t make up the weird ones if I tried!  I really think I’m a reasonable roommate, not the best, I have my flaws, and I’ll be the first to admit it.  My roommate, on the other hand, fails to see that she has any, and is now holding me to standards that she, herself, doesn’t uphold.

And so the saga continues…

118 – Enforce an unreasonable policy

Keri (roommate) comes into my room earlier today (Sunday) and says something along the lines of “I really didn’t want to have to do this, but I tried to make it work, and it just hadn’t” and hands me a sheet of paper:

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I, stupidly (shame on me), signed the note without reading the whole thing because I just wanted her out of my room.  If you caught the last line, it states “it is not to be discussed with any other person,” so apparently, I’m not allowed the freedom of speech, according to her, but you know me…I’m SO not the quiet type.

I am wondering if she is just looking for an excuse to kick me out, does she not want the rent money? Does she just not like me? I thought we were really getting along lately, and she hadn’t bitched about anything in awile.  That’s what threw me for the loop, I really can’t tell you the last time she complained about something silly, I thought she was loosening up a little.  NOPE.

My friend, Katie, advised I better start looking for a new place to live.   Like I said, I’m not the greatest roommate.  I MAY not put my groceries away immediately, and I MAY not necessarily put my dishes away at the moment the dishwasher is done, but I’m respectful of her and her things, and keep to myself a lot of the time.  There are FAR worst people out there.  And I LOVE how “the ceramic stovetop cleaner will be used by Landlord.” Can I not be trusted with that even???  I have a wicker basket on the counter in there, and now, I can’t even put what I want in my own freakin’ basket!  Am I the only one thinking this is absurd?!?!?!?!?  The bathroom is not nearly as bad as she makes it sound, I swear she makes special trips in there just to see what it looks like.  The only thing on the floor of the bathroom is my rugs and dog hair, from HER dog!  I really just want to scream.  I feel like I’ve bent over backwards trying to make her happy, even giving myself a curfew, and I’ve done really well, trying to be home by 10pm as to not wake her up.  My friend asked if I’d slipped up on curfew and that’s what started it, I said there’s no way…had that been an issue, you’d better be sure it’d be included in this screwed up “policy.” I just don’t understand why it is I have to endure such insanity…the only silver lining is great blogging material, as a friend has pointed out before.

If anyone happens to know of someone NORMAL needing a roommate (preferably) on the west side of downtown, at a reasonable rate, please let me know.  I’ll pretty much be out on my butt in 2 weeks.

Have you had any HORRIBLE roommate experiences? If so, what did you do to combat them?

Going Bananas!

Back to our series of How To Irritate Your Roommate, she’s done it again! I honestly don’t think I’m a bad roommate, not perfect, but I could be SO much worse.  In case you’re new here, click here to catch up

117 – Throw their food away

I had bought a hand (or so it’s called) of bananas…there were 7.  I ate 2-3, so simple math would conclude I had at least 4 remaining.  I came home one day last week, and there were 2 bananas. I didn’t remember seeing a chaquite sticker on the ones I bought, so I assumed they were her’s. I still wondered what happened to mine, but hadn’t seen the roommate to ask her (she drives me nuts, so I try to stay clear for the most part).   A couple days later, she tells me she threw them away because she just can’t stand to see bananas go bad, and something about how she used to grow them.  She did offer to replace them, which I appreciated, but with as much stuff she has in the fridge that I’m sure has something growing on it, you’d think she would’ve just left it.  Don’t mess with my bananas, or fruit, or food, or ANYTHING!  I know it sounds VERY possessive, but she’s the same way.  I wouldn’t dare throw her food away (because there’s really no telling what it is), that’s her stuff, I leave it alone.  I think it’s because it’s her house that she feels entitlement, and I can understand that to a point, but there are quite a few cases where she’s crossed the line.

January is . . . . National Careers in Cosmetology Month, National Eye Health Care Month, National Fiber Focus Month, National Hobby Month, National Soup Month, Hot Tea Month, Oatmeal Month, Prune Breakfast Month


January 1 is . . . . .First Foot Day and Z Day (holiday that can be celebrated by letting all those poor unfortunate people with names that start with Z be first in line)

January 2 is . . . . .Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day

January 3 is . . . . .Festival of Sleep Day

January 4 is . . . . .Trivia Day and Humiliation Day

January 5 is . . . . .Bird Day

January 6 is . . . . .Bean Day

January 7 is . . . . .Old Rock Day

January 8 is . . . . .National JoyGerm Day and Man Watcher’s Day

January 9 is . . . . . Play God Day

January 10 is . . . . Peculiar People Day

January 11 is . . . . National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day

January 12 is . . . . Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day

January 13 is . . . . Make Your Dream Come True Day and Blame Someone Else Day

January 14 is . . . . National Dress Up Your Pet Day

January 15 is . . . . Hat Day

January 16 is . . . . Hot and Spicy Food International Day and National Nothing Day

January 17 is . . . . Blessing of the Animals at the Cathedral Day

January 18 is . . . . Winnie the Pooh Day

January 19 is . . . . National Popcorn Day

January 20 is . . . . National Buttercrunch Day

January 21 is . . . . National Hugging Day

January 22 is . . . . National Answer Your Cat’s Question Day and National Blonde Brownie Day

January 23 is . . . . National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day, and Measure Your Feet Day

January 24 is . . . . Eskimo Pie Patent Day

January 25 is . . . . Opposite Day

January 26 is . . . . Australia Day

January 27 is . . . . Punch the Clock Day and Thomas Crapper Day (Thomas Crapper invented the flushing toilet)

January 28 is . . . . National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, Rattle Snake Round-Up Day

January 29 is . . . . National Cornchip Day

January 30 is . . . . Escape Day

January 31 is . . . . National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day

Common Sense Rules For Holiday Eating

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or  something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.   Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long  naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”
Have a great holiday season!

Versatility of Mayo

The other day, I was hanging out at Waffle House, and I watched as some kid had an order of plain hashbrowns, and put mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup and hot sauce on them!  I had never seen such a combination!!!  Depending on the day, I like my hashbrowns scattered all the way, hold the peppers (don’t like hot), topped with chili and add ranch dressing.  A friend got me hooked on it.

Now, when I was in college, friends would dip their french fries in a mixture of ketchup and mayo, which seemed gross, so I never tried it, but I guess it’s kind of popular.  I like ketchup, and I like mayo…just not together!  Someone said they liked peanut butter and mayo on bread, and that grossed me out!  How is mayo so versatile?????

Do you like any food compinations that others may deem strange?????

How To Irritate Your Roommate 111

Well, if you’ve missed my previous posts about my horrible roommate, or former roommate, at this point, you can read them here, here, and here!  We are moving on to:

111 – Move out, and don’t clean up after yourself!!

Hannah has now moved out, turns out Rachel pretty much has, as well.  Hannah, however, moved all her stuff out, temporarily made the front of our apartment look like it was the junk left over from a rummage sale, but failed to leave her room in the condition she received it in!  I went into her room, OBVIOUSLY no vacuum had seen that floor, probably, since we’d moved in!  There was some trash left, and I don’t want to get in trouble for it!  She then told me I could keep whatever she left as far as food, which, then also leaves me to clean out the fridge, of which is ONLY a mess because she spilled kool-aid all over it!  She only left me a jar of pickles, a couple cans of sprite and other crap i won’t touch.  Then, as I was going through the downstairs closet, she left her Christmas tree holder, and other crap I don’t want to and shouldn’t have to take care of!!!!  I’m not a happy camper!

In Other News:

My apartment now looks like someone robbed it, but left the good couch, a chair (both of which are Rachel’s, she hasn’t called me back to let me know when she’s coming to get those), and a TV on top of a coffee table.  REALLY pitiful!  And I don’t have one fork in the house, I have 140 spoons, but NO FORKS!!!!  I had a blond moment and apparently bought 2 boxes of spoons, thinking it was a combination of forks, spoons and knives.  Ramen noodles aren’t easy to heat with spoons, unless you crunch them up very finely, still a pain!!!  I haven’t figured out a place to live yet, so I’m stressing out about that, and the job thing!  I tried calling for unemployment, but they love to hang up on you, the recording says there may be high call volume, when I’m calling right as they open, and then says they can’t take my call!!!  I called 5 times today!!!  I’m just a little stressed at the moment!!!