Tag Archive: How to Irritate your Roommates


Yep, MORE roommate drama!  I somehow manage to attract all of the mentally unstable.  I, myself, think I’m fairly stable in that area, so I’m not sure why me.  It turns out everything that ever came out of Jeremy’s mouth was a lie.  His own father said so.  He’d never even been in the marines!  All his little stories probably came from his father, who actually did spend time in the military.  His father stated he is a pathological liar, and just can’t help it, along with being bipolar and schizophrenic.  I got wind of this info, and, seeing as I had to live with the dude, wasn’t going to confront him on it, but I did mention it to my roommate, Mike, who was in the army, and knew a buddy that works for the Department of Defense, called him to see if he could pull anything up on him, like an enlistment/discharge date…NOTHING!  He tells people he was shot in the knee, yet, no bullet holes or scarring of any kind, hm!  His father said he fell on concrete, which is why his knee hurts him every now and again. Kind of a far stretch, don’t ya think?  He also says he had 981 confirmed kills as a sniper in Iraq.  Mike says that is WAY too high of a number.  He showed me his bipolar/schizophrenic medication, but he’s not taking it like he should.  And there’s no way the military would have even accepted him if he was on medication!

Another one of his lies is about his birthday.  He likes to tell everyone his birthday is on Halloween.  He says he was birthed my a midwife, in a podunk town, on October 23rd, and she was a little slow in filing the paperwork, like 8 days slow, therefore, his birth certificate states he was born on the 31st.  I’ve seen his birth certificate. Not the case.  Only because he carries it in his wallet, and it fell out, is why I saw it.  He decided to invade my privacy (shame on me for leaving my phone in the other room unsupervised), and went through my cell phone, and saw text messages I had with a friend, comparing stories of pathological liars in our lives. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? He then started rattling off the things he’s been accused of per the text messages to his boyfriend.  He asked me if I had seen his birth certificate, I said no, only because I saw it briefly, and never had posession of it. He couldn’t find it, so he decided to call the police!  I had to talk to 3 cops over this!  I apologized for them having to come out, but that he’s just upset he was caught in a lie, and is now throwing a fit, and that’s what they told him outside in the parking lot, after they left.  Nothing accomplished there, so he wasn’t happy.  I really wish I were a fly on the wall when those cops left!  They had no idea what to think, I’m sure!

Mike was gone through the whole ordeal, and came back home to this mess.  Jeremy had called him about his birth certificate, which Mike didn’t have, he told him it fell out, but that he put it back.  Utt and Fut (as we refer to Chris and Jeremy) were out of the apartment, so I explained what happened, and I felt bad for having left my phone out, because Jeremy was ready to kick Mike out.  Mike called Jeremy, and after that phone call, Mike was ready to kill Jeremy.  I haven’t known Mike long, but he’s not one to get angry all that easily.  He asked me to take him over to his buddy’s house, because he felt if he saw Jeremy, he would’ve done something stupid.  I took him over, and wished I could’ve stayed there too!

Tuesday rolls around, and I made myself scarce.  Not knowing how long I’d be gone, I even grabbed some snacks and lunch and dinner to take with me.  I just knew I wanted to avoid the apartment for awhile, and not spend money, nor inconvenience anyone. I bummed over at my friend’s house, and babysat for her, in return.  Later that night, I went and picked Mike up, and we went back home.  I feel much better when he’s around.  Jeremy won’t mess with me if he’s there!  Jeremy still hasn’t said much, if anything to me.  He talks through Mike, making it loud enough for me to hear.  He says he’d rather confront an issue, and gets mad if people talk about him, yet he’s NOTORIOUS for talking about other people behind their backs!  Mike and I tell each other what Jeremy says, and it amazes me how much crap can spew out of one mouth!

Wednesday night (this has all happened this week, mind you), Jeremy shows Mike this letter (again, he doesn’t talk to me, so I never saw the letter) that supposedly says everyone in the apartment must have a job in 5 days, or on the 6th day, will be evicted.  NEVER heard of such a thing, MY rent’s always been paid.  Thursday morning, I went into the office to ask about the terms.  I told them i was subleasing, and I was advised that’s not allowed per the lease agreement.  They said names can be added to the lease, but not removed.  I said I had no idea, but was under the impression Jeremy had called them to say Mike and I were living here.  She said all names on the lease (including Marie) would need to approve for the addition.  She said they’d heard there were unauthorized people living there, and said Marie had called. I grabbed some applications and left.  I got home later that day, and Jeremy is saying something that didn’t make sense, so I called down to the office for clarification, and come to find out JEREMY was the one who called saying there were unauthorized people living here!  Yeah, I’m unauthorized, in that I just came and snuck all my crap in the apartment one day, and have been living undetected the whole time…PLEASE!  Jeremy and Chris refuse to add my name to the lease, because I’m apparently talking so much crap about him.  So, now, he is worried he would get evicted if we don’t leave.  Guess what?  I’m not leaving by next week!  He was in the wrong for subleasing, because I’m guessing Marie didn’t even realize anyone was moving in to replace her, and amazingly enough, any time he said she’d supposedly been back to the apartment, Jeremy was the only one here to witness it.  It is just irritating to me that now I can’t believe a thing that comes out of his mouth.  I can’t afford to move out at the moment, nor have anywhere to go, so I’m stuck here for the time being.

Anyone wanna trade lives?

Why ME?

I know it seems like my roommate issues have been an ongoing theme here at Schmidt Happens, but, for some reason, I have a real gift for finding the worst roommates.  I know what you’re thinking…maybe it’s me.  It’s not.  All the issues are different.  If they were the same ones, I’d think it was me too, but I couldn’t make up the weird ones if I tried!  I really think I’m a reasonable roommate, not the best, I have my flaws, and I’ll be the first to admit it.  My roommate, on the other hand, fails to see that she has any, and is now holding me to standards that she, herself, doesn’t uphold.

And so the saga continues…

118 – Enforce an unreasonable policy

Keri (roommate) comes into my room earlier today (Sunday) and says something along the lines of “I really didn’t want to have to do this, but I tried to make it work, and it just hadn’t” and hands me a sheet of paper:

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I, stupidly (shame on me), signed the note without reading the whole thing because I just wanted her out of my room.  If you caught the last line, it states “it is not to be discussed with any other person,” so apparently, I’m not allowed the freedom of speech, according to her, but you know me…I’m SO not the quiet type.

I am wondering if she is just looking for an excuse to kick me out, does she not want the rent money? Does she just not like me? I thought we were really getting along lately, and she hadn’t bitched about anything in awile.  That’s what threw me for the loop, I really can’t tell you the last time she complained about something silly, I thought she was loosening up a little.  NOPE.

My friend, Katie, advised I better start looking for a new place to live.   Like I said, I’m not the greatest roommate.  I MAY not put my groceries away immediately, and I MAY not necessarily put my dishes away at the moment the dishwasher is done, but I’m respectful of her and her things, and keep to myself a lot of the time.  There are FAR worst people out there.  And I LOVE how “the ceramic stovetop cleaner will be used by Landlord.” Can I not be trusted with that even???  I have a wicker basket on the counter in there, and now, I can’t even put what I want in my own freakin’ basket!  Am I the only one thinking this is absurd?!?!?!?!?  The bathroom is not nearly as bad as she makes it sound, I swear she makes special trips in there just to see what it looks like.  The only thing on the floor of the bathroom is my rugs and dog hair, from HER dog!  I really just want to scream.  I feel like I’ve bent over backwards trying to make her happy, even giving myself a curfew, and I’ve done really well, trying to be home by 10pm as to not wake her up.  My friend asked if I’d slipped up on curfew and that’s what started it, I said there’s no way…had that been an issue, you’d better be sure it’d be included in this screwed up “policy.” I just don’t understand why it is I have to endure such insanity…the only silver lining is great blogging material, as a friend has pointed out before.

If anyone happens to know of someone NORMAL needing a roommate (preferably) on the west side of downtown, at a reasonable rate, please let me know.  I’ll pretty much be out on my butt in 2 weeks.

Have you had any HORRIBLE roommate experiences? If so, what did you do to combat them?

Going Bananas!

Back to our series of How To Irritate Your Roommate, she’s done it again! I honestly don’t think I’m a bad roommate, not perfect, but I could be SO much worse.  In case you’re new here, click here to catch up

117 – Throw their food away

I had bought a hand (or so it’s called) of bananas…there were 7.  I ate 2-3, so simple math would conclude I had at least 4 remaining.  I came home one day last week, and there were 2 bananas. I didn’t remember seeing a chaquite sticker on the ones I bought, so I assumed they were her’s. I still wondered what happened to mine, but hadn’t seen the roommate to ask her (she drives me nuts, so I try to stay clear for the most part).   A couple days later, she tells me she threw them away because she just can’t stand to see bananas go bad, and something about how she used to grow them.  She did offer to replace them, which I appreciated, but with as much stuff she has in the fridge that I’m sure has something growing on it, you’d think she would’ve just left it.  Don’t mess with my bananas, or fruit, or food, or ANYTHING!  I know it sounds VERY possessive, but she’s the same way.  I wouldn’t dare throw her food away (because there’s really no telling what it is), that’s her stuff, I leave it alone.  I think it’s because it’s her house that she feels entitlement, and I can understand that to a point, but there are quite a few cases where she’s crossed the line.

How To Irritate Your Roommate…AGAIN!!

116 – NAG your roommate to death!!!

I came home earlier tonight and she came out of her room, and said she wasn’t sure if I’d actually cleaned the kitchen or the bathroom!!  I advised her that I had done it the night before.  She said because I hadn’t marked off her stupid check sheet, she couldn’t tell!  If she could smell ANYTHING, the kitchen still smells like Pine Sol, and the counters were clean!!!  I also told her I cleaned the bathroom, but she then asked about the sink, and so I went in to clean it, even though I’d done it over the weekend.  My anger may have come out on my twitter, asking about a cheap hitman and all, but as soon as I get a job, I’m O-U-T!!!!!  I haven’t been nagged this much by my own mother…EVER!!!

If you’ve missed the previous installations of this “series” read them HERE

WARNING:  You WILL be grossed out!

112 – Put your roommate on Probation.

It’s not as easy as originally thought.  I might as well live with my mother!  I love you, Mom, but one of us would be driven clinically insane!

113 – Have a DISGUSTING kitchen

At least my mother doesn’t have this: Exhibit A

The inside of the freezer

The inside of the freezer

Exhibit B

Inside the fridge

Inside the fridge

What are those black specks, you ask?  DEAD FLIES!!!!  I’ve learned I NEED to take a look in people’s fridges/freezers PRIOR to moving in.  Had I seen this, I think I would’ve looked elsewhere.

114 – Hound your roommate about not cleaning

After the above, she tells ME I don’t clean well!  I came in the door last night (after a long day, and on NO sleep), and the kitchen was not in tip-top condition (I thought I’d be home sooner and beat her in the door from her being gone since the day before), there were just some empty containers that needed to be thrown away, and trash needed to be taken out, really.  She started in the first minute about how I needed to clean the countertops, mop the floor, and then complained about my bathroom (also the guest bathroom)!!!  She told me I needed to remember to clean the toilet bowl.  I bit my tongue, those who know me would be proud!  I hurriedly cleaned, just to appease her.  She has also told me I need to keep my bedroom clean, of which the $400 I pay in rent should allow me some freedom of personal space.  I, however, did leave this dead one for her:

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I clean that kitchen more than she does on a daily basis, so she can clean up the dead bugs, they were certainly residing here BEFORE I moved in.

115 – Don’t clean up after your dog

She’s got a white dog, and dark hardwood floors, so I understand dog hair will be much more evident, HOWEVER, the dog hair is in massive clumps, and it’s everywhere!!!!  I don’t even like walking around without shoes because my socks would be covered in hair.  I don’t use but the kitchen and my room/bathroom, so it’s all her when it comes to that.  Plus, I told her I refuse to be responsible for her dog whatsoever. Here’s a LOVELY example of the clumps that surround the dinner table, the living room, hallway, etc…

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How To Irritate Your Roommate 111

Well, if you’ve missed my previous posts about my horrible roommate, or former roommate, at this point, you can read them here, here, and here!  We are moving on to:

111 – Move out, and don’t clean up after yourself!!

Hannah has now moved out, turns out Rachel pretty much has, as well.  Hannah, however, moved all her stuff out, temporarily made the front of our apartment look like it was the junk left over from a rummage sale, but failed to leave her room in the condition she received it in!  I went into her room, OBVIOUSLY no vacuum had seen that floor, probably, since we’d moved in!  There was some trash left, and I don’t want to get in trouble for it!  She then told me I could keep whatever she left as far as food, which, then also leaves me to clean out the fridge, of which is ONLY a mess because she spilled kool-aid all over it!  She only left me a jar of pickles, a couple cans of sprite and other crap i won’t touch.  Then, as I was going through the downstairs closet, she left her Christmas tree holder, and other crap I don’t want to and shouldn’t have to take care of!!!!  I’m not a happy camper!

In Other News:

My apartment now looks like someone robbed it, but left the good couch, a chair (both of which are Rachel’s, she hasn’t called me back to let me know when she’s coming to get those), and a TV on top of a coffee table.  REALLY pitiful!  And I don’t have one fork in the house, I have 140 spoons, but NO FORKS!!!!  I had a blond moment and apparently bought 2 boxes of spoons, thinking it was a combination of forks, spoons and knives.  Ramen noodles aren’t easy to heat with spoons, unless you crunch them up very finely, still a pain!!!  I haven’t figured out a place to live yet, so I’m stressing out about that, and the job thing!  I tried calling for unemployment, but they love to hang up on you, the recording says there may be high call volume, when I’m calling right as they open, and then says they can’t take my call!!!  I called 5 times today!!!  I’m just a little stressed at the moment!!!

Dump your cat food in the sink to swim around!

I am so fed up with these cats! But what kills me is that she dumps out the cat food, most times, on top of dishes, and leaves it there! Now, I did leave her a message on the whiteboard telling her I refuse to do dishes if there is cat food left there, and once I see it, I do stop, it grosses me out!!! Am I the only one who sees something wrong with (what was wet) cat food coming into contact with my dishes?????

  • Having a live-in boyfriend who doesn’t pay rent!

Hannah just came down wondering why it was I paid so little for rent, I gave her a check for $300 in rent, my usual portion is $384, however, when she asked me about him moving in, she said he’d pa 1/4 of the rent, so I told Rachel, and we really figure he’s been staying at least 4 nights a week since the beginning, and that he really should’ve paid something from the beginning, and she then says he hasn’t found a job yet. I advised her he helps himself in the door, is here when she’s not here, and is here ALL the time, he needs to start paying. He then (almost sounding like he was crying) said I took $200 from Hannah, and she then says we should’ve discussed this, I reminded her she said he would pay 1/4, and so she’s not happy with me now, but oh well! I don’t have a job either, and I’m paying rent, what’s the issue??? We don’t take in stray humans!!!! Our total rent is 1094, and with me and Rachel both paying 300, that leaves them with under 500 to split, I thought it was more than fair!

I have, or originally moved in with in September, two roommates, Hannah and Rachel. It seems we now have adopted another, Hannah’s boyfriend. Hannah is 20, her bf, David, is 22 (I think, he just graduated college), and Rachel is 23, but I hardly see her, she’s been living at her boyfriend’s house for pretty much the last 5 or 6 months (I miss her, but I know she doesn’t miss living here so much because of Hannah and David).

  • 101 – Eat your roommate’s food, and not replace it

After I moved in, I went to the grocery store and bought a bunch of stuff (I hate shopping, so I only go every so often and stock up). Now, Hannah asked me if we could eat each other’s food, and I told her as long as she replaces it, I said I didn’t want to come home one night, craving mac and cheese, and it not be there when I knew I bought some. Hannah then tells me that I can get mac and cheese where she works for 40% off, and drinks for free. I figured she got my point. I know what I bought, and I know what I ate, and stuff started disappearing, or things were open I know I didn’t open, and the big tip off was she opened a bag of goldfish by just ripping into it, and left a plastic bag over the top of it, she didn’t even try to open it properly!!! Because, at the time, I worked nights and saw her only on weekends, I left her a note on the whiteboard telling her she needed to replace the things she ate, and a list of the things, and she must’ve thought I was as dumb as she is, and said she never ate any of my food, so then I responded with a not so g-rated word on the whiteboard, and told her I wanted it replaced by the time I got home that night, and she did, in order to avoid any confrontation. I was looking for my tub of butter one night, and so I asked Hannah, figured it was something I forgot to put on her list, but she said she didn’t take it, came down and looked through the fridge and couldn’t find it, so (I heard later from Rachel) she called Rachel asking her if she’d used my butter, and left her a message while she was at work! I just find that amusing! Turns out the butter was just hidden, Rachel found it that night…my bad!

  • 102 – Have too many furry friends that aren’t people-oriented

Hannah moved in with 3 white cats, all looking the same, still can’t tell the remaining 2 apart! The problem with her cats is they don’t like people, I don’t think she’s a good cat owner, I’ve seen her ask me if I wanted a cat, and toss one of them (Hector, who got out and, shockingly, never returned) at me. I’m not a fan of cats, but figured I could co-exist with the little flea bags (I can say that, Hannah says they have fleas, which is just freakin’ wonderful!), and I’m used to cats liking people, I’m a dog person, but have liked my friends’ cats. These flea ridden fur balls run when you try to get near them, Hector warmed up to me and would come up to me, but he’d bite and get me mad, and they still have their claws, therefore, destroying furniture, you should see Hannah’s couches, ripped to shreds from them and their nails, they do it to the stairs, and it just annoys me!!!! She hasn’t bothered to train these cats, they have full run of the apartment, and they get up on tables, like it’s nothing, jumping up on counters and it’s just gross! Like I said, I’m a dog person, and you know where dogs can and can’t get to, there are no boundaries for cats! And now that it’s summer, they’re shedding EVERYWHERE!!!!! I am not much of a fan of hair on the coffee table, floors, furniture, in clumps! Now, Rachel has a cat, and we had a few issues not too long ago, but we resolved it, she stays up in her room, and she’s fine, but her cat also likes people, and doesn’t have front claws, so a whole lot better than the other 2 two!

  • 103 – Don’t do the dishes, or at least not until they are overflowing in the sink!

My roommate, Hannah, cooks quite a bit. I, however, don’t usually, but have a little lately. She likes to leave the dishes in the sink up until it is FULL, and then comes to putting them on the counter. Now, I was brought up having to rinse the plates off when you put them in the sink, and then in the dishwasher or clean them, but she fails to even rinse the plates off! I’ll admit, I’m not the greatest at dishes, but when the dishes are piled up as such, there is no fouler smell!!!! If she does stick them in the dishwasher, she never loads them properly, I end up having to rearrange and rerun it! She has since left a message on the white board saying to do your own dishes, which is fine, it should’ve been that way from the beginning, so they have started hand washing the dishes, BUT they’re not clean, I pulled out a dish with an oily residue the other day!

  • 104 – Why even bother cleaning???

We have lived here since September, and I really don’t believe the carpets have even met a vacuum, nor the floors a mop! I know I very well could’ve done it, but, in my defense, I used to work A LOT and didn’t get off work until midnight, and by that time, vacuuming wasn’t really an option. Hannah, though, being the owners of the (cats) majority of the mess, hasn’t vacuumed either, apparently too busy with the boyfriend!!!!!

  • 105 – Constantly have LOUD sex

Hannah used to have the loudest bed known to man, and of course, her room is over the living room, you would hear EVERYTHING from getting in or out of bed to, well, the sex! There is no way you can ignore that kind of creaking! And let me tell you, even if your room is on the other side of the apartment, you have your door closed and music on, you CANNOT avoid it!!!! Thank you 865 Bellevue for the thin walls! Even now that she took the bed off the frame, SHE gets loud! Thank goodness it only lasts a minute! I’ve had friends over, and they still do it, so embarrassing! The people that know me wonder why I put up with it (because I have a big mouth), I just don’t know a good way to bring up the subject, or the best way to solve the problem, either give me a heads up so I can leave, or find an alternative location (he used to have his dorm w/ 4 other roommates, or parents’ house, which apparently aren’t viable options), or have them wait till I’m gone! I used to work nights, so I really wouldn’t notice it, except, for some reason, they’d be at it like rabbits right before I’d leave for church! I think next time, if I have someone here, we’ll go to the top of the stairs and make noises 😀

  • 106 – Don’t properly dispose of feminine products!!
  • 107 – Leave condoms and lubricant around for ALL to see
  • 108 – Toss roommate’s laundry on the floor because it happens to be in the dryer when you need to use it