What NOT To Say At Thanksgiving

1. “Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”
2. “I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.”
3. “Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”
4. “Talk about a huge breast!”
5. “It’s Cool Whip time!”
6. “If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!”
7. “Are you ready for seconds yet?”
8. “Are you going to come again next time?”
9. “It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”
10. “Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!”
11. “Don’t play with your meat.”
12. “Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.”
13. “Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?”
14. “I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
15. “You still have a little bit on your chin.”
16. “Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”
17. “How long will it take after you stick it in?”
18. “You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”
19. “Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!”
20. “How many are coming?”
21. “That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”
22. “Just lay back & take it easy…I’ll do the rest.”
23. “How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”

I Hope everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving!  I will be going home with my friend, Sarah, to Woodlawn, Illinois (don’t even know where it is exactly, but it’s close to Mt. Vernon, which isn’t that big either), which from what I hear is a podunk little town, population 683! From what I’ve heard about her family, it’s gonna be one INTERESTING weekend!  I’m packing my camera, so hopefully, it’ll be some good blogging material!

Driving Pet Peeves

As I have proclaimed in previous posts, I truly beileve I’m one of the best drivers in the state of Tennessee, which if you live here, it really doesn’t take much.  I almost wish I’d realized how horrible drivers are down here prior to my move here 2.5 years ago, because I really think it may have changed things.  My biggest pet peeves while driving include, but are most likely not limited to:

• broken brake lights – just don’t drive if they’re out, it’s dangerous!
• failure to use a turn signal!  Seriously, it doesn’t take much to hit the lever!
• flashing your brights at me, as if mine are on, when, clearly, mine aren’t on! Sorry if I have a newer car, where I can actually see where I’m going (without the brights on) in the dark.  In Michigan, flashing your brights is illegal, why not here?????
• Drive at least the speed limit if there are cars behind you, and can’t pass you!
• If you are in the passing lane on the expressway, PASS people!!!!!

I will admit I have some road rage, and when I say some, I’m not quite telling the whole truth!  I don’t act out on my road rage, but my windows have to be up when I drive, and children are not allowed to ride with me, for fear they will learn new words!  Northerners are agressive drivers, and we don’t like putzers…So quit putzin’!!!!

Do you have road rage???  Did I miss any pet peeves you may have?

It Breaks My Heart

I saw this commercial awhile back, and it tugged at my heartstrings:

I just saw on the news how the police broke up a dog fighting ring, and they even found a dead dog, wrapped in a plastic garbage bag, in a freezer!!!!!  WHO DOES THIS!?!?!?!?!?!? Detroit has quite the reputation for dog fighting, and even having possession of paraphernalia relating to it is illegal (not sure if that’s the case in Tennessee or not).  The saddest thing is so many of them have to be euthanized because they’ve been trained to be vicious.  I have two dogs in Michigan, and they couldn’t hurt a fly…it’s just not in their hearts to fight!

Black Box

This would allow us to prove what kind of drivers we really are!  I’m a good one, so I’m not really that worried.  They now would like to install black boxes for our automobiles, which I think is a FANTASTIC idea!  If there’s an accident, and a cop wasn’t there to witness it, and doesn’t know who’s at fault (been there before), he can look at the footage, and determine who is to blame.  This can determine whether a seat belt was worn, speed, and whether breaks were used.  I truly believe I’m one of the better drivers in the state of Tennessee, so rest assured should you see a white equinox with a Ferris State Alumni sticker in the back window…I’m a WONDERFUL driver!  They did state it would be only court ordered or by driver’s permission that it can be viewed.

What do you think, would you want one of these in your car?

If GOD Had Voicemail

Heard this yesterday in church, thought you may all love a good chuckle!

What if God decided to install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing this:

• Press 1 for English
• Press 2 for Spanish
• Press 3 for any other language
  

Thank you for calling My Father’s House. Please select one of the following options:

• Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS
• Press 2 for THANKSGIVING
• Press 3 for COMPLAINTS
• Press 4 for HEALING
• Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS
• Press 6 for RAIN
• Press 7 for “JUST SAYING HI!”
• Press 8 for LOTTERY WINNING NUMBERS (good luck; we just guess, too)
• Press 9 for ALL OTHER INQUIRIES
• Press 0 for this to begin again

What if God used these familiar excuses:

• “I’m sorry, all the angels are helping other customers right now.
• Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.”

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call God in prayer?

• “If you would like to speak to Gabriel, Press 11.
• For Michael, Press 22.
• For a directory of other Archangels, Press 33.”
• For a directory of Seraphim and Cherubim, Press 44.
• If you’d like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, please press 55, and then wait for the beep, and then enter the number of the Psalm.
• To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, press 66, enter his/her social security number, then press the pound (#) key, then enter date of birth, then press the pound (#) key twice.If you received a negative answer, hang up and dial 666.
• For reservations in one of the Many Mansions, press the letters J-O-H-N, then 3-1-6.
• For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, where Noah’s Ark is, Darwin, Hitler, the Pope, abortion, and UFO’s; please wait until you arrive here. Those questions can be understood only from a “heavenly perspective.”
• Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
• This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday after 9:30am, but before 4:30 ACST (Absolute Celestial Standard Time).
• Please call again soon, but never on Sunday. That is OUR day of rest.

Addition To The Calendar

That’s right!  December 5th has been declared No Gays For A Day Day, which means that all gays and lesbians are to stay home, no shopping, no working, no school, nothing, in an attempt to prove to the government that they are a prevalent group in society, and should be able to have the same rights to marriage.  There were even more than 100 people out in downtown Nashville, Saturday, along with several other cities, protesting Proposition 8.  Here’s the article

I, personally, have no prejudice toward gays and lesbians, some of my friends are, and I have no problem with that.  I do, however, believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.  It’s the way God intended.  But, on the other hand, I do believe it’s not my business what other people do, and I do think people are entitled to whatever makes them happy, so long as it doesn’t harm anyone, and I really don’t feel this would harm anyone.  I guess I’m somewhat middle of the road on the topic  What do you think?  Do you believe the No Gays For A Day Day will have any real impact?

How To Irritate Your Roommate…AGAIN!!

116 – NAG your roommate to death!!!

I came home earlier tonight and she came out of her room, and said she wasn’t sure if I’d actually cleaned the kitchen or the bathroom!!  I advised her that I had done it the night before.  She said because I hadn’t marked off her stupid check sheet, she couldn’t tell!  If she could smell ANYTHING, the kitchen still smells like Pine Sol, and the counters were clean!!!  I also told her I cleaned the bathroom, but she then asked about the sink, and so I went in to clean it, even though I’d done it over the weekend.  My anger may have come out on my twitter, asking about a cheap hitman and all, but as soon as I get a job, I’m O-U-T!!!!!  I haven’t been nagged this much by my own mother…EVER!!!

How To Irritate Your Roommate (Yup, It Continues)

If you’ve missed the previous installations of this “series” read them HERE

WARNING:  You WILL be grossed out!

112 – Put your roommate on Probation.

It’s not as easy as originally thought.  I might as well live with my mother!  I love you, Mom, but one of us would be driven clinically insane!

113 – Have a DISGUSTING kitchen

At least my mother doesn’t have this: Exhibit A

The inside of the freezer

Exhibit B

Inside the fridge

What are those black specks, you ask?  DEAD FLIES!!!!  I’ve learned I NEED to take a look in people’s fridges/freezers PRIOR to moving in.  Had I seen this, I think I would’ve looked elsewhere.

114 – Hound your roommate about not cleaning

After the above, she tells ME I don’t clean well!  I came in the door last night (after a long day, and on NO sleep), and the kitchen was not in tip-top condition (I thought I’d be home sooner and beat her in the door from her being gone since the day before), there were just some empty containers that needed to be thrown away, and trash needed to be taken out, really.  She started in the first minute about how I needed to clean the countertops, mop the floor, and then complained about my bathroom (also the guest bathroom)!!!  She told me I needed to remember to clean the toilet bowl.  I bit my tongue, those who know me would be proud!  I hurriedly cleaned, just to appease her.  She has also told me I need to keep my bedroom clean, of which the $400 I pay in rent should allow me some freedom of personal space.  I, however, did leave this dead one for her:

I clean that kitchen more than she does on a daily basis, so she can clean up the dead bugs, they were certainly residing here BEFORE I moved in.

115 – Don’t clean up after your dog

She’s got a white dog, and dark hardwood floors, so I understand dog hair will be much more evident, HOWEVER, the dog hair is in massive clumps, and it’s everywhere!!!!  I don’t even like walking around without shoes because my socks would be covered in hair.  I don’t use but the kitchen and my room/bathroom, so it’s all her when it comes to that.  Plus, I told her I refuse to be responsible for her dog whatsoever. Here’s a LOVELY example of the clumps that surround the dinner table, the living room, hallway, etc…

She’s Moving South!

My best friend/suite-mate from college, Sheila, is moving to Louisville today, and I’m really excited!  She’s been living in Chicago, paying WAY too much in rent, and decided she wanted to be closer to ME! Not really, but I believe what I want anyways. 🙂  I’m just glad she’s only gonna be 3 hours away, and then maybe, JUST MAYBE, our friends from college will venture south to visit, because EVERYONE just LOVES Sheila!!!! If not, hopefully, I’ll be able to attend Dan and Brenda’s wedding in March, where the majority, if not all, will be in attendence.

Prayer Requests

Instead of the oh woe is me, I need a job post, I figured I was past due on prayer request for other people, forgetting that A LOT of people have it worse than me.  Here are my requests for now:

Amanda’s little girl, Maddie, has been having some SEVERE allergic reactions to something, but they’re not exactly sure what it is, and can’t get in to the doctor to find out for sure until next Friday. In the meantime, poor Maddie can’t go outside for extended periods of time.  Pray for Mom too, she’ll need the help keeping a 6 year-old entertained!  Also, pray for her small group, it’s just not quite going as she’d hoped.

My mom, she is on the job hunt as well, only up in Michigan, which has had an even worse market than Nashville.

Of course, there’s my jobless self, which needs SOMETHING to happen!  I would seriously take ANYTHING right now, I just can’t be on my feet all day long (due to hairline fractures I’ve had, in my feet, and they never really go away).

I know there’s a ton of other requests, but I really can’t think of anymore at the moment, so feel free to let me know, and I’ll add to the list!  Have a great weekend all!