Category: Roommates


Yep, MORE roommate drama!  I somehow manage to attract all of the mentally unstable.  I, myself, think I’m fairly stable in that area, so I’m not sure why me.  It turns out everything that ever came out of Jeremy’s mouth was a lie.  His own father said so.  He’d never even been in the marines!  All his little stories probably came from his father, who actually did spend time in the military.  His father stated he is a pathological liar, and just can’t help it, along with being bipolar and schizophrenic.  I got wind of this info, and, seeing as I had to live with the dude, wasn’t going to confront him on it, but I did mention it to my roommate, Mike, who was in the army, and knew a buddy that works for the Department of Defense, called him to see if he could pull anything up on him, like an enlistment/discharge date…NOTHING!  He tells people he was shot in the knee, yet, no bullet holes or scarring of any kind, hm!  His father said he fell on concrete, which is why his knee hurts him every now and again. Kind of a far stretch, don’t ya think?  He also says he had 981 confirmed kills as a sniper in Iraq.  Mike says that is WAY too high of a number.  He showed me his bipolar/schizophrenic medication, but he’s not taking it like he should.  And there’s no way the military would have even accepted him if he was on medication!

Another one of his lies is about his birthday.  He likes to tell everyone his birthday is on Halloween.  He says he was birthed my a midwife, in a podunk town, on October 23rd, and she was a little slow in filing the paperwork, like 8 days slow, therefore, his birth certificate states he was born on the 31st.  I’ve seen his birth certificate. Not the case.  Only because he carries it in his wallet, and it fell out, is why I saw it.  He decided to invade my privacy (shame on me for leaving my phone in the other room unsupervised), and went through my cell phone, and saw text messages I had with a friend, comparing stories of pathological liars in our lives. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? He then started rattling off the things he’s been accused of per the text messages to his boyfriend.  He asked me if I had seen his birth certificate, I said no, only because I saw it briefly, and never had posession of it. He couldn’t find it, so he decided to call the police!  I had to talk to 3 cops over this!  I apologized for them having to come out, but that he’s just upset he was caught in a lie, and is now throwing a fit, and that’s what they told him outside in the parking lot, after they left.  Nothing accomplished there, so he wasn’t happy.  I really wish I were a fly on the wall when those cops left!  They had no idea what to think, I’m sure!

Mike was gone through the whole ordeal, and came back home to this mess.  Jeremy had called him about his birth certificate, which Mike didn’t have, he told him it fell out, but that he put it back.  Utt and Fut (as we refer to Chris and Jeremy) were out of the apartment, so I explained what happened, and I felt bad for having left my phone out, because Jeremy was ready to kick Mike out.  Mike called Jeremy, and after that phone call, Mike was ready to kill Jeremy.  I haven’t known Mike long, but he’s not one to get angry all that easily.  He asked me to take him over to his buddy’s house, because he felt if he saw Jeremy, he would’ve done something stupid.  I took him over, and wished I could’ve stayed there too!

Tuesday rolls around, and I made myself scarce.  Not knowing how long I’d be gone, I even grabbed some snacks and lunch and dinner to take with me.  I just knew I wanted to avoid the apartment for awhile, and not spend money, nor inconvenience anyone. I bummed over at my friend’s house, and babysat for her, in return.  Later that night, I went and picked Mike up, and we went back home.  I feel much better when he’s around.  Jeremy won’t mess with me if he’s there!  Jeremy still hasn’t said much, if anything to me.  He talks through Mike, making it loud enough for me to hear.  He says he’d rather confront an issue, and gets mad if people talk about him, yet he’s NOTORIOUS for talking about other people behind their backs!  Mike and I tell each other what Jeremy says, and it amazes me how much crap can spew out of one mouth!

Wednesday night (this has all happened this week, mind you), Jeremy shows Mike this letter (again, he doesn’t talk to me, so I never saw the letter) that supposedly says everyone in the apartment must have a job in 5 days, or on the 6th day, will be evicted.  NEVER heard of such a thing, MY rent’s always been paid.  Thursday morning, I went into the office to ask about the terms.  I told them i was subleasing, and I was advised that’s not allowed per the lease agreement.  They said names can be added to the lease, but not removed.  I said I had no idea, but was under the impression Jeremy had called them to say Mike and I were living here.  She said all names on the lease (including Marie) would need to approve for the addition.  She said they’d heard there were unauthorized people living there, and said Marie had called. I grabbed some applications and left.  I got home later that day, and Jeremy is saying something that didn’t make sense, so I called down to the office for clarification, and come to find out JEREMY was the one who called saying there were unauthorized people living here!  Yeah, I’m unauthorized, in that I just came and snuck all my crap in the apartment one day, and have been living undetected the whole time…PLEASE!  Jeremy and Chris refuse to add my name to the lease, because I’m apparently talking so much crap about him.  So, now, he is worried he would get evicted if we don’t leave.  Guess what?  I’m not leaving by next week!  He was in the wrong for subleasing, because I’m guessing Marie didn’t even realize anyone was moving in to replace her, and amazingly enough, any time he said she’d supposedly been back to the apartment, Jeremy was the only one here to witness it.  It is just irritating to me that now I can’t believe a thing that comes out of his mouth.  I can’t afford to move out at the moment, nor have anywhere to go, so I’m stuck here for the time being.

Anyone wanna trade lives?

Bringing You Up To Speed

Since the last time I blogged (seems like forever, really), I have moved out from living with “Joan Crawford“, and now reside with a gay couple (and their cat, let’s not forget the damn cat)!  They are 23 year-old guys, and not all that bad in relation to previous roommates.

Jeremy – The outgoing roommate, former marine, country boy, owns a ghost hunting company

Chris – AKA Sunshine, very quiet, acts like a child, walks around holding his game boy ALL the time

Winslett – The damn cat.  They couldn’t have picked a gayer name if they tried!

Mike – (36) Army dude who moved in with us temporarily, but has now turned into indefinitely. Unemployed, and vehicle doesn’t run. He dated Chris years ago, but only went out a couple of times because Chris played his game boy all through dinner!

Nick – (19) Mike’s boyfriend, who lives in Columbia.  Only had a part-time job. No vehicle

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Why ME?

I know it seems like my roommate issues have been an ongoing theme here at Schmidt Happens, but, for some reason, I have a real gift for finding the worst roommates.  I know what you’re thinking…maybe it’s me.  It’s not.  All the issues are different.  If they were the same ones, I’d think it was me too, but I couldn’t make up the weird ones if I tried!  I really think I’m a reasonable roommate, not the best, I have my flaws, and I’ll be the first to admit it.  My roommate, on the other hand, fails to see that she has any, and is now holding me to standards that she, herself, doesn’t uphold.

And so the saga continues…

118 – Enforce an unreasonable policy

Keri (roommate) comes into my room earlier today (Sunday) and says something along the lines of “I really didn’t want to have to do this, but I tried to make it work, and it just hadn’t” and hands me a sheet of paper:

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I, stupidly (shame on me), signed the note without reading the whole thing because I just wanted her out of my room.  If you caught the last line, it states “it is not to be discussed with any other person,” so apparently, I’m not allowed the freedom of speech, according to her, but you know me…I’m SO not the quiet type.

I am wondering if she is just looking for an excuse to kick me out, does she not want the rent money? Does she just not like me? I thought we were really getting along lately, and she hadn’t bitched about anything in awile.  That’s what threw me for the loop, I really can’t tell you the last time she complained about something silly, I thought she was loosening up a little.  NOPE.

My friend, Katie, advised I better start looking for a new place to live.   Like I said, I’m not the greatest roommate.  I MAY not put my groceries away immediately, and I MAY not necessarily put my dishes away at the moment the dishwasher is done, but I’m respectful of her and her things, and keep to myself a lot of the time.  There are FAR worst people out there.  And I LOVE how “the ceramic stovetop cleaner will be used by Landlord.” Can I not be trusted with that even???  I have a wicker basket on the counter in there, and now, I can’t even put what I want in my own freakin’ basket!  Am I the only one thinking this is absurd?!?!?!?!?  The bathroom is not nearly as bad as she makes it sound, I swear she makes special trips in there just to see what it looks like.  The only thing on the floor of the bathroom is my rugs and dog hair, from HER dog!  I really just want to scream.  I feel like I’ve bent over backwards trying to make her happy, even giving myself a curfew, and I’ve done really well, trying to be home by 10pm as to not wake her up.  My friend asked if I’d slipped up on curfew and that’s what started it, I said there’s no way…had that been an issue, you’d better be sure it’d be included in this screwed up “policy.” I just don’t understand why it is I have to endure such insanity…the only silver lining is great blogging material, as a friend has pointed out before.

If anyone happens to know of someone NORMAL needing a roommate (preferably) on the west side of downtown, at a reasonable rate, please let me know.  I’ll pretty much be out on my butt in 2 weeks.

Have you had any HORRIBLE roommate experiences? If so, what did you do to combat them?

How To Irritate Your Roommate…AGAIN!!

116 – NAG your roommate to death!!!

I came home earlier tonight and she came out of her room, and said she wasn’t sure if I’d actually cleaned the kitchen or the bathroom!!  I advised her that I had done it the night before.  She said because I hadn’t marked off her stupid check sheet, she couldn’t tell!  If she could smell ANYTHING, the kitchen still smells like Pine Sol, and the counters were clean!!!  I also told her I cleaned the bathroom, but she then asked about the sink, and so I went in to clean it, even though I’d done it over the weekend.  My anger may have come out on my twitter, asking about a cheap hitman and all, but as soon as I get a job, I’m O-U-T!!!!!  I haven’t been nagged this much by my own mother…EVER!!!

If you’ve missed the previous installations of this “series” read them HERE

WARNING:  You WILL be grossed out!

112 – Put your roommate on Probation.

It’s not as easy as originally thought.  I might as well live with my mother!  I love you, Mom, but one of us would be driven clinically insane!

113 – Have a DISGUSTING kitchen

At least my mother doesn’t have this: Exhibit A

The inside of the freezer

The inside of the freezer

Exhibit B

Inside the fridge

Inside the fridge

What are those black specks, you ask?  DEAD FLIES!!!!  I’ve learned I NEED to take a look in people’s fridges/freezers PRIOR to moving in.  Had I seen this, I think I would’ve looked elsewhere.

114 – Hound your roommate about not cleaning

After the above, she tells ME I don’t clean well!  I came in the door last night (after a long day, and on NO sleep), and the kitchen was not in tip-top condition (I thought I’d be home sooner and beat her in the door from her being gone since the day before), there were just some empty containers that needed to be thrown away, and trash needed to be taken out, really.  She started in the first minute about how I needed to clean the countertops, mop the floor, and then complained about my bathroom (also the guest bathroom)!!!  She told me I needed to remember to clean the toilet bowl.  I bit my tongue, those who know me would be proud!  I hurriedly cleaned, just to appease her.  She has also told me I need to keep my bedroom clean, of which the $400 I pay in rent should allow me some freedom of personal space.  I, however, did leave this dead one for her:

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I clean that kitchen more than she does on a daily basis, so she can clean up the dead bugs, they were certainly residing here BEFORE I moved in.

115 – Don’t clean up after your dog

She’s got a white dog, and dark hardwood floors, so I understand dog hair will be much more evident, HOWEVER, the dog hair is in massive clumps, and it’s everywhere!!!!  I don’t even like walking around without shoes because my socks would be covered in hair.  I don’t use but the kitchen and my room/bathroom, so it’s all her when it comes to that.  Plus, I told her I refuse to be responsible for her dog whatsoever. Here’s a LOVELY example of the clumps that surround the dinner table, the living room, hallway, etc…

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I’m On Probation

…with my roommate!  I just moved in here on the 19th, and yesterday, she tells me “I don’t think it’s gonna work out.”  Sadly, that wasn’t the first time I’d heard that one, but NEVER from a roommate!  She says this because of different schedules and she says she didn’t get but two nights of good sleep all week, and that she could hear when I came in at night (she needs decent earplugs, I am not loud coming in)

  1. Sunday night (first weeknight since I moved in):  I was on the phone with someone and she did have to come in twice saying she could hear everything through her earplugs.  The second time, I really thought I was quiet enough. She was back in bed by 11:30pm, I didn’t see it as that big of a deal, but would be more aware the next time
  2. Tuesday night: I came home late (around 2am) and she locked the top lock on the door, and I couldn’t get in the door.  I fooled with this lock for 20 minutes, waking her up was my LAST resort.  I tried to get in through the patio door…NOTHING worked.  I knocked the first time, and no response, the 2nd time, she came and got the door, and said you just have to fool with it.  The next day, she came home and said she tried to get it to work with my key, and it didn’t.  I also apologized for having to wake her up.  Not my fault, except I guess I could’ve been home earlier.
  3. Thursday night: I did get home late, was hanging out with The Mix for game night, and then went to Waffle house afterwards, and got into reading my book, THE SHACK, which I’m really liking.  I did turn on the radio, HOWEVER, it wasn’t loud (really, it wasn’t) and it took her a good half an hour to come in, of which, she just opened the door, and I wasn’t dressed (not cool!), but I’ll forgive that, she was probably blind without her contacts or glasses anyway.

I then went and talked to my mom and she told me to see about negotiating with her.  I thought about it and figured it was certainly worth a try, I can’t afford to move again, nor do I want to have to stress about finding a decent place to live again.  I then went in and asked her if I could stay if I came in by a certain time, and turned off all noise, if that would be an option.  She said she would think about it.  Today, she said we’ll do a trial run, until the middle of October, and see how it works out.  I agreed, and told her I appreciated a 2nd chance.  I also explained to her that, until I start working again, my schedule is off, but I’d be willing to go by her’s, and turn off all noise (which reminds me, I need to look for some cordless headphones, if there is such a thing).  The rent is so cheap, I’ll almost walk her dog just to stay (ALMOST, let’s not get crazy now!).  So, I have a curfew now, let’s hope she doesn’t find another reason to give me the boot!  My friend, Victor, said I shouldn’t have to negotiate, because I do pay, but it IS her condo, and I didn’t sign a lease.

On another note, do you think I have too many roommate issues, that I have a WHOLE category assigned to roommates?

How To Irritate Your Roommate 111

Well, if you’ve missed my previous posts about my horrible roommate, or former roommate, at this point, you can read them here, here, and here!  We are moving on to:

111 – Move out, and don’t clean up after yourself!!

Hannah has now moved out, turns out Rachel pretty much has, as well.  Hannah, however, moved all her stuff out, temporarily made the front of our apartment look like it was the junk left over from a rummage sale, but failed to leave her room in the condition she received it in!  I went into her room, OBVIOUSLY no vacuum had seen that floor, probably, since we’d moved in!  There was some trash left, and I don’t want to get in trouble for it!  She then told me I could keep whatever she left as far as food, which, then also leaves me to clean out the fridge, of which is ONLY a mess because she spilled kool-aid all over it!  She only left me a jar of pickles, a couple cans of sprite and other crap i won’t touch.  Then, as I was going through the downstairs closet, she left her Christmas tree holder, and other crap I don’t want to and shouldn’t have to take care of!!!!  I’m not a happy camper!

In Other News:

My apartment now looks like someone robbed it, but left the good couch, a chair (both of which are Rachel’s, she hasn’t called me back to let me know when she’s coming to get those), and a TV on top of a coffee table.  REALLY pitiful!  And I don’t have one fork in the house, I have 140 spoons, but NO FORKS!!!!  I had a blond moment and apparently bought 2 boxes of spoons, thinking it was a combination of forks, spoons and knives.  Ramen noodles aren’t easy to heat with spoons, unless you crunch them up very finely, still a pain!!!  I haven’t figured out a place to live yet, so I’m stressing out about that, and the job thing!  I tried calling for unemployment, but they love to hang up on you, the recording says there may be high call volume, when I’m calling right as they open, and then says they can’t take my call!!!  I called 5 times today!!!  I’m just a little stressed at the moment!!!

Lord knows I could use one or two right about now, well, certainly not for my, but for my roommate….she needs all of them, if you haven’t read about the issues, read this, this, this, and this!!! She’s back to eating my food, and I have to call her out on it in order for her to do anything! Two days ago, I saw she had mistakenly put my pork, from the freezer, into the fridge, so I switched it out with her chicken, which I know I hadn’t bought. Well, she goes and switches it back, and eats my pork! What kills me though is my friend was able to see what she was doing when she switched the meat, and I asked her while it was happening if she switched it back, she said no, so I didn’t even worry about it, so that ticked me off too, but then I realize she’s a dingbat too….my fault for believing her!!! We’ll get to her in a minute. I go to grab something out of the freezer the next day, and see her chicken breasts still there, and I’m not happy! So, I left a note on the whiteboard for her, and told her she ate my pork, not her chicken, and she didn’t say anything, nor has my food been replaced! You would think you would remember what you bought, or at least know that pork loin and chicken breast aren’t that similar, or at least, when eating it, notice the difference…Noooooooo!!!!! On Tuesday night, I was in the cupboard, where I put my food, and realize my Ramen noodle package of six had been opened, and 3 taken out, and I’m in the cupboard all the time, and know I hadn’t had any Ramen since I put it there. Well, I left a note on that one, and the next day, I see two packages there, not three, I’m not upset over the quarter it cost, but it’s the point, IF YOU’RE GOING TO EAT MY STUFF, REPLACE IT!!!!!!! Common Sense and Courtesy! And the pork she replaces mine with better be just as much as I bought, the last time she replaced my bun-sized hotdogs with the itty bitty hotdogs from oscar meyer…it should be the SAME THING!!!

Not only has the dimwit eaten my food, thinking I’m not going to notice, but she has now begun sneaking her boyfriend in the apartment, AS I’m sitting right by the door! What they do is he calls her when he gets to the door, she runs down the stairs, opens the door, and lets him in and they run upstairs. Again, I’m right here!!!! Now, if he knows I see him, he leaves, but the other nights, they must think I’m dumber than a brick! I am not deaf, after all, I do hear them having sex EVERYTIME!!! It’s just irritating, they need to do it at his house, and see how his parents feel!!! If I only knew where he lived, I’d go have a lovely chat with his mother LOL

Now, for my dingbat of a friend, I call her that to her face, she knows it, she is driving me insane!!!! She is too needy, as she puts it, and I agree! Since we both don’t have jobs, we are bored, but I don’t mind being alone, I don’t need to be around people all the time! My grandma says there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, and I like being alone sometimes. Even in college, my friends couldn’t understand why I was by myself often. One, I didn’t have that many friends (and that was ok by me), and two, I don’t like feeling like i have to keep people entertained. I don’t have things to do at my house, I’m here to sleep, eat and relax when i think about it. I do feel bad that she’s so lonely, but I know that I, alone, can’t fix that problem. I’m an independent person, heck, I up and moved here not knowing a soul, and she did the same thing, but she is still very clingy to them. I go up to MI to see my family twice a year, if that! She has now clung to me, and I’m not a good person to be clung to, I need my independence, and quite frankly, I get sick of people when I have to be around them all the time, and I’m sure she’s gotten sick of me too. Maybe it’s the times she comes over, and leaves a mess that I have to clean up (Mom, I am so sorry, I now understand your frustration), and that she talks when I’m trying to watch TV (I’ve yelled at her about that quite a bit, but she fails to stop still), or that she doesn’t chew with her mouth closed (she says it’s a nasal issue, but still), it’s just gotten to be too much! I’m not saying I want to lose this person as a friend, I just don’t want to have to be responsible for her entertainment, and I really wish she weren’t so darned flaky!!!! She has a good heart, we just need a separation. We did have one already, for about 4 days, but apparently not enough! Makes me wonder if I could stand to live with a husband LOL

Roommate Update

Well, after Hannah, David and I had some words about my having left a check for lower rent, David apparently won’t be living here anymore!!! So happy! Maybe it was the day I went downstairs, not fully dressed, to grab clothes from the dryer that scared him away (I didn’t think he was there, it was dark down the hallway, but he didn’t see much, if anything, just a glimpse without pants LOL, I could care less should he want to gouge his eyes out after that), he was not happy, but WHATEVER!!!! Rachel, who really lives at her boyfriend’s up in Hendersonville, came home yesterday, and I feel bad that she doesn’t live here, but pays rent/utilities/cable, so I told her I would have no problem with her looking to replace her as a roommate, and she could put her stuff in storage, if need be, a whole lot cheaper than staying here.   She said she’ll post on Craigslist, or if anyone knows of anyone needing a new place to live, let me know!!!! Although, i don’t know that anyone reading my blog would wish my less than spectacular living situation on their worst enemies 🙂

Dump your cat food in the sink to swim around!

I am so fed up with these cats! But what kills me is that she dumps out the cat food, most times, on top of dishes, and leaves it there! Now, I did leave her a message on the whiteboard telling her I refuse to do dishes if there is cat food left there, and once I see it, I do stop, it grosses me out!!! Am I the only one who sees something wrong with (what was wet) cat food coming into contact with my dishes?????