Backtracking

I’ve been incredibly neglectful of my blog lately, and quite a bit has happened.  If you’ve followed me on twitter, you probably know the majority of my past few months. If you haven’t followed me on Twitter, here’s the gist:

• A kiitten fell into my lap!  No, really, it did.  A friend of mine had a litter of kittens, and needed a home, so Mike, the stray roommate we took in, said he’d take one.  When I moved, he came with, because Mike wasn’t around the apartment with Utt and Futt all that much to care for him.  Originally, his name was Gabriel (not my choice, and he isn’t that much of an angel), but I’ve since changed his name to Bolt.  He tries to bolt out doors, and is VERY quick.  Isn’t he precious?  He LOVES this laundry basket!

• June 27th – Went to see Legally Blonde, the musical, with my friend, Jennifer, who had 2 tickets, and her hubby isn’t so much of a fan of musicals, she thought to invite me.  It was hilarious, I really enjoyed it!  I had no idea musicals could be so good, or funny even.
• June 28th – Jeremy and I got into an argument, over the ratio of dirty dishes to clean dishes in the kitchen…the kitchen was ALWAYS a mess, and hardly had any clean dishes, and were lucky if we could even use the faucet, they’d be piled so high.  If they were mine, they’d been cleaned, but I didn’t cook in that kitchen much because it was always in a disarray.  Basically, I asked if the kitchen was ever going to be clean, and he said he was “fixin’ to do it”….he’s ALWAYS “fixin’” to do something, but never gets done.  He then told me he wanted me out by the end of the month, and I calmly said “no” which ticked him off, and so he called the cops telling them I was trespassing!  At this point, I’d already lived there over 2 months, and it’s not like I just snuck in the house and have lived there undetected.  I went in my room, waiting for the county sherrif to show up, and prove that I’d established residency.  He then comes in my room, yelling at me, telling me that if I’d asked nicely, maybe he’d do the dishes.  I asked him if he, at the age of 23, really needed to be told to clean up after himself.  He then proceded to grab my duffel bag of dirty clothes, and throw them out the front door.  I, of course, went running after it.  As I was picking up my clothes, I made the comment to Chris, Jeremy’s boyfriend about how he’s got a real winner, which set Jeremy off, and he then began shoving me out the door.  My buddy, James, was outside the door as well, and he and Chris told him to stop, as I’m yelling.  Jeremy stopped, then ran back to my room, and smashed my floor lamp in his rage.  I, then, feeling unsafe, called the cops, myself.  Cops came, and asked me if I wanted them to arrest him.  I felt, ONLY because he didn’t actually hit me, that it wasn’t necessary, but the officers advised I leave for the night, which I did.  Jeremy, being the liar he is, told the cops my lamp was broken from the door swinging open, which was never the case.  Jeremy tried changing the locks previously, and I asked the officers tell him not to change them on me, and they warned him.  The officers stayed until I left, which I was grateful for.  I stayed the night at my good friend, Jennifer’s house, and was grateful she took me in.
• June 29th – As if I hadn’t already had a rough weekend, it only got worst when i was pulled over by a cop, for expired tags…I passed him only because he was on his cell phone, and figured a man can’t multi-task, and pay attention to my tags at the same time!  He’s an exception, I suppose.  He got me, and decided to mark me down for 2 infractions, instead of just expired tags, which cost me an additional $12.
• June 30th – found me a new place to move, thought it would be great, living with a couple of girls, back in Bellevue, and pretty cheap.  Put down first months rent that day, needing to get away from the messy living situation I was in.  I was grateful for her taking me in.  The downside was it was only 3 months, because the one girl was getting married, and her and her husband were going to live there.  I didn’t care, just needed to feel safe.
• July 2nd - MOVING DAY!  Was SO glad to be done with the drama.  Didn’t unpack half of my stuff, knowing it was only a short term lease.  The first weekend there, I thought I was in heaven…the sink was void of any dirty dishes, AND I could hear the vacuum being used!  NEVER would’ve happened at the old place!

I Can’t Make This Stuff Up!

Yep, MORE roommate drama!  I somehow manage to attract all of the mentally unstable.  I, myself, think I’m fairly stable in that area, so I’m not sure why me.  It turns out everything that ever came out of Jeremy’s mouth was a lie.  His own father said so.  He’d never even been in the marines!  All his little stories probably came from his father, who actually did spend time in the military.  His father stated he is a pathological liar, and just can’t help it, along with being bipolar and schizophrenic.  I got wind of this info, and, seeing as I had to live with the dude, wasn’t going to confront him on it, but I did mention it to my roommate, Mike, who was in the army, and knew a buddy that works for the Department of Defense, called him to see if he could pull anything up on him, like an enlistment/discharge date…NOTHING!  He tells people he was shot in the knee, yet, no bullet holes or scarring of any kind, hm!  His father said he fell on concrete, which is why his knee hurts him every now and again. Kind of a far stretch, don’t ya think?  He also says he had 981 confirmed kills as a sniper in Iraq.  Mike says that is WAY too high of a number.  He showed me his bipolar/schizophrenic medication, but he’s not taking it like he should.  And there’s no way the military would have even accepted him if he was on medication!

Another one of his lies is about his birthday.  He likes to tell everyone his birthday is on Halloween.  He says he was birthed my a midwife, in a podunk town, on October 23rd, and she was a little slow in filing the paperwork, like 8 days slow, therefore, his birth certificate states he was born on the 31st.  I’ve seen his birth certificate. Not the case.  Only because he carries it in his wallet, and it fell out, is why I saw it.  He decided to invade my privacy (shame on me for leaving my phone in the other room unsupervised), and went through my cell phone, and saw text messages I had with a friend, comparing stories of pathological liars in our lives. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? He then started rattling off the things he’s been accused of per the text messages to his boyfriend.  He asked me if I had seen his birth certificate, I said no, only because I saw it briefly, and never had posession of it. He couldn’t find it, so he decided to call the police!  I had to talk to 3 cops over this!  I apologized for them having to come out, but that he’s just upset he was caught in a lie, and is now throwing a fit, and that’s what they told him outside in the parking lot, after they left.  Nothing accomplished there, so he wasn’t happy.  I really wish I were a fly on the wall when those cops left!  They had no idea what to think, I’m sure!

Mike was gone through the whole ordeal, and came back home to this mess.  Jeremy had called him about his birth certificate, which Mike didn’t have, he told him it fell out, but that he put it back.  Utt and Fut (as we refer to Chris and Jeremy) were out of the apartment, so I explained what happened, and I felt bad for having left my phone out, because Jeremy was ready to kick Mike out.  Mike called Jeremy, and after that phone call, Mike was ready to kill Jeremy.  I haven’t known Mike long, but he’s not one to get angry all that easily.  He asked me to take him over to his buddy’s house, because he felt if he saw Jeremy, he would’ve done something stupid.  I took him over, and wished I could’ve stayed there too!

Tuesday rolls around, and I made myself scarce.  Not knowing how long I’d be gone, I even grabbed some snacks and lunch and dinner to take with me.  I just knew I wanted to avoid the apartment for awhile, and not spend money, nor inconvenience anyone. I bummed over at my friend’s house, and babysat for her, in return.  Later that night, I went and picked Mike up, and we went back home.  I feel much better when he’s around.  Jeremy won’t mess with me if he’s there!  Jeremy still hasn’t said much, if anything to me.  He talks through Mike, making it loud enough for me to hear.  He says he’d rather confront an issue, and gets mad if people talk about him, yet he’s NOTORIOUS for talking about other people behind their backs!  Mike and I tell each other what Jeremy says, and it amazes me how much crap can spew out of one mouth!

Wednesday night (this has all happened this week, mind you), Jeremy shows Mike this letter (again, he doesn’t talk to me, so I never saw the letter) that supposedly says everyone in the apartment must have a job in 5 days, or on the 6th day, will be evicted.  NEVER heard of such a thing, MY rent’s always been paid.  Thursday morning, I went into the office to ask about the terms.  I told them i was subleasing, and I was advised that’s not allowed per the lease agreement.  They said names can be added to the lease, but not removed.  I said I had no idea, but was under the impression Jeremy had called them to say Mike and I were living here.  She said all names on the lease (including Marie) would need to approve for the addition.  She said they’d heard there were unauthorized people living there, and said Marie had called. I grabbed some applications and left.  I got home later that day, and Jeremy is saying something that didn’t make sense, so I called down to the office for clarification, and come to find out JEREMY was the one who called saying there were unauthorized people living here!  Yeah, I’m unauthorized, in that I just came and snuck all my crap in the apartment one day, and have been living undetected the whole time…PLEASE!  Jeremy and Chris refuse to add my name to the lease, because I’m apparently talking so much crap about him.  So, now, he is worried he would get evicted if we don’t leave.  Guess what?  I’m not leaving by next week!  He was in the wrong for subleasing, because I’m guessing Marie didn’t even realize anyone was moving in to replace her, and amazingly enough, any time he said she’d supposedly been back to the apartment, Jeremy was the only one here to witness it.  It is just irritating to me that now I can’t believe a thing that comes out of his mouth.  I can’t afford to move out at the moment, nor have anywhere to go, so I’m stuck here for the time being.

Anyone wanna trade lives?

Diction IS Everything

I know I may not always word things in the best of ways, but luckily, I don’t have the world watching me!

“I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.” – Alicia Silverstone

“I would like to live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.” – Ms. Alabama 1994

“Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.” -Oprah Winfrey

“When you’re looking for something, vision is important.” -America’s Next Top Model Contestant (Amanda) on finding a store in Tokyo.

“I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police.” – Keith Richards

“I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time” -Mariah Carey on hearing of the death of King of Jordan

“If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.” – Terry Venables

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” -Yogi Berra

“Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.” – David Acfield

“Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is ten, or something.” – Dennis Rodman

“You can put wings on a pig, but you don’t make it an eagle.” – Bill Clinton

“It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.” – George Bush Sr.

“If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.” – Mayor Marion Barry

Bringing You Up To Speed

Since the last time I blogged (seems like forever, really), I have moved out from living with “Joan Crawford“, and now reside with a gay couple (and their cat, let’s not forget the damn cat)!  They are 23 year-old guys, and not all that bad in relation to previous roommates.

Jeremy – The outgoing roommate, former marine, country boy, owns a ghost hunting company

Chris – AKA Sunshine, very quiet, acts like a child, walks around holding his game boy ALL the time

Winslett – The damn cat.  They couldn’t have picked a gayer name if they tried!

Mike – (36) Army dude who moved in with us temporarily, but has now turned into indefinitely. Unemployed, and vehicle doesn’t run. He dated Chris years ago, but only went out a couple of times because Chris played his game boy all through dinner!

Nick – (19) Mike’s boyfriend, who lives in Columbia.  Only had a part-time job. No vehicle

Mark Your Calendars – April

April is . . . . International Guitar Month, Keep America Beautiful Month, National Anxiety Month, National Humor Month, National Welding Month, National Garden Month, and Uh-Huh Month

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April 1 is . . . . . One Cent Day

April 2 is . . . . . National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day

April 3 is . . . . . Tweed Day and Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day

April 4 is . . . . . Tell-A-Lie Day

April 5 is . . . . . Go For Broke Day

April 6 is . . . . . Sorry Charlie Day – honors those who have been rejected and lived through it.

April 7 is . . . . . No Housework Day

April 8 is . . . . . All Is Ours Day

April 9 is . . . . . Winston Churchill Day and Name Yourself Day

April 10 is . . . . Golfers Day

April 11 is . . . . Eight-Track Tape Day

April 12 is . . . . Look Up At The Sky Day

April 13 is . . . . Blame Somebody Else Day

April 14 is . . . . National Pecan Day

April 15 is . . . . Rubber Eraser Day

April 16 is . . . . National Stress Awareness Day and National Eggs Benedict Day

April 17 is . . . . National Cheeseball Day

April 18 is . . . . International Jugglers Day

April 19 is . . . . Garlic Day

April 20 is . . . . Look Alike Day

April 21 is . . . . Kindergarten Day

April 22 is . . . . National Jelly Bean Day

April 23 is . . . . Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day

April 24 is . . . . National Pigs In A Blanket Day

April 25 is . . . . National Zucchini Bread Day

April 26 is . . . . Richter Scale Day and National Pretzel Day

April 27 is . . . . Tell A Story Day

April 28 is . . . . Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss-Your-Mate Day

April 29 is . . . . National Shrimp Scampi Day

April 30 is . . . . National Honesty Day

WHA?????

That’s all I can think of when I heard one of my karaoke buddies was shot and killed last night! His name was Ben Goeser, one of the nicest people you could ever meet!  He was always optimistic and just happy to hang out, have a beer, and sing with friends!  I was there when he asked his wife to marry him, and what an event that was!  He was SO excited, as was everyone else.  Here’s a picture of me and the happy couple, not too long after they’d gotten hitched, from my birthday last year:

Ben was a hugger, like a big teddy bear, and always happy to see everyone!  I just can’t believe that an (apparently) unstable man could just walk into a bar and shoot someone.  He apparently was obsessed with Nikki (his wife, the woman in the picture), and even posted this on his myspace blog a day before the murder:

FOREVER UNFORGIVEN! I know who you are,,,! RUN…

When I catch up with you I’m going to write the FN book on cruel…
You haven’t seen my bad side yet MFR but your going to….
Its going to be EXTREAMLY painful!!! where are you going to work that I won’t find you,,,lunch, dinner, supper,, sleep,, every FN waking moment..
I will be on the hunt..Predator and Prey.. Now You Pissed Me Off!!!
You’re FOREVER UNFORGIVEN !

What Kind of life do you have now!

I just hope this man gets the help he so desperately needs!  I just wish it hadn’t taken someone dying to realize he had problems.  Nikki’s a tough woman, but she needs all the prayers and support she can get!  So please say a prayer for her and Ben has (I want to say 4) children, and grand babies too!  Just a very tragic event that shouldn’t have happened!

Here’s a clip from the last time I saw him, with the dance they created!

RIP Ben!!!!  You will be missed a great deal!

Why ME?

I know it seems like my roommate issues have been an ongoing theme here at Schmidt Happens, but, for some reason, I have a real gift for finding the worst roommates.  I know what you’re thinking…maybe it’s me.  It’s not.  All the issues are different.  If they were the same ones, I’d think it was me too, but I couldn’t make up the weird ones if I tried!  I really think I’m a reasonable roommate, not the best, I have my flaws, and I’ll be the first to admit it.  My roommate, on the other hand, fails to see that she has any, and is now holding me to standards that she, herself, doesn’t uphold.

And so the saga continues…

118 – Enforce an unreasonable policy

Keri (roommate) comes into my room earlier today (Sunday) and says something along the lines of “I really didn’t want to have to do this, but I tried to make it work, and it just hadn’t” and hands me a sheet of paper:

I, stupidly (shame on me), signed the note without reading the whole thing because I just wanted her out of my room.  If you caught the last line, it states “it is not to be discussed with any other person,” so apparently, I’m not allowed the freedom of speech, according to her, but you know me…I’m SO not the quiet type.

I am wondering if she is just looking for an excuse to kick me out, does she not want the rent money? Does she just not like me? I thought we were really getting along lately, and she hadn’t bitched about anything in awile.  That’s what threw me for the loop, I really can’t tell you the last time she complained about something silly, I thought she was loosening up a little.  NOPE.

My friend, Katie, advised I better start looking for a new place to live.   Like I said, I’m not the greatest roommate.  I MAY not put my groceries away immediately, and I MAY not necessarily put my dishes away at the moment the dishwasher is done, but I’m respectful of her and her things, and keep to myself a lot of the time.  There are FAR worst people out there.  And I LOVE how “the ceramic stovetop cleaner will be used by Landlord.” Can I not be trusted with that even???  I have a wicker basket on the counter in there, and now, I can’t even put what I want in my own freakin’ basket!  Am I the only one thinking this is absurd?!?!?!?!?  The bathroom is not nearly as bad as she makes it sound, I swear she makes special trips in there just to see what it looks like.  The only thing on the floor of the bathroom is my rugs and dog hair, from HER dog!  I really just want to scream.  I feel like I’ve bent over backwards trying to make her happy, even giving myself a curfew, and I’ve done really well, trying to be home by 10pm as to not wake her up.  My friend asked if I’d slipped up on curfew and that’s what started it, I said there’s no way…had that been an issue, you’d better be sure it’d be included in this screwed up “policy.” I just don’t understand why it is I have to endure such insanity…the only silver lining is great blogging material, as a friend has pointed out before.

If anyone happens to know of someone NORMAL needing a roommate (preferably) on the west side of downtown, at a reasonable rate, please let me know.  I’ll pretty much be out on my butt in 2 weeks.

Have you had any HORRIBLE roommate experiences? If so, what did you do to combat them?

Schmidt’s Latest Happenings

• Job hunting – my temporary assignment was up with Caremark, so back to hitting the pavement.  They should be hiring in the next month or two permanently, but I really don’t want to have to wait that long, nor does my father want to keep bailing me out financially.  He’s so uneasy about his job right now @ GM, in England, the lectures are getting longer and longer everytime I ask for money.  In the meantime, I’m trying to get my Melaleuca business off the ground.

• Tutoring – I did get an itty bitty job working as a tutor for the kids in the No child left behind program, that were left behind.  It’s only 4 hours a week, but it’s a couple hundred dollars in my pocket a month.  Not too sure how it’s going to work out.  The head lady said I was more of an instructor today that interacting with the kids.  I guess I’ll do my best to work on that, it just is difficult when you have more than one child, and they’re on different levels, and to pay attention to what they’re doing.

• Computer died again – I guess when it falls off the bed enough times, it’s bound to stop working! It would’ve cost more than it was probably worth, so I ended up replacing it, on a whim (which I don’t recommend) when I went to staples…to get notebooks, like the binder kind, not the computer kind! I did get a free printer (after rebate) and I have a year to pay it off with no interest, no payments, when I signed up for a Staples credit card.  Darn me and my good credit, they just keep giving me more lines!

• FINALLY finished a book – I was reading How to Win Friends and Influence People (cuz I could really use the help somedays), and it was good.  I started it about 5 months ago.  Not sure if I’ll change much, but I’m working on it After my bible studies conclude, I’m going to attempt Twilight.  You know I have a dull life when me finishing a book is a big deal!   Probably lost what few readers I still had lurking around!

Going Bananas!

Back to our series of How To Irritate Your Roommate, she’s done it again! I honestly don’t think I’m a bad roommate, not perfect, but I could be SO much worse.  In case you’re new here, click here to catch up

117 – Throw their food away

I had bought a hand (or so it’s called) of bananas…there were 7.  I ate 2-3, so simple math would conclude I had at least 4 remaining.  I came home one day last week, and there were 2 bananas. I didn’t remember seeing a chaquite sticker on the ones I bought, so I assumed they were her’s. I still wondered what happened to mine, but hadn’t seen the roommate to ask her (she drives me nuts, so I try to stay clear for the most part).   A couple days later, she tells me she threw them away because she just can’t stand to see bananas go bad, and something about how she used to grow them.  She did offer to replace them, which I appreciated, but with as much stuff she has in the fridge that I’m sure has something growing on it, you’d think she would’ve just left it.  Don’t mess with my bananas, or fruit, or food, or ANYTHING!  I know it sounds VERY possessive, but she’s the same way.  I wouldn’t dare throw her food away (because there’s really no telling what it is), that’s her stuff, I leave it alone.  I think it’s because it’s her house that she feels entitlement, and I can understand that to a point, but there are quite a few cases where she’s crossed the line.

A Tithing Rap

This is a great clip that brings the point home about tithing, in a HILARIOUS way…Enjoy.