Fish Lure and Fruitcake

That’s the gift I took to my small group party this year.  It was regifted from a Dirty Santa game last year.  I though it was great.  And the fish lure was Cleveland Browns. Of all things.  I think I actually got to open the most gifts under the tree, because people kept stealing from me.  First, I ended up with a lottery ticket, then, I ended up with a blanket, and by the end of the game, I ended up with this…compliments of Kristen.

I was thrilled with this….even without the wine!  It sure beat the door draft blockers!  Oh, and my favorite part of the party was becoming the spoons champ!  I took Wendy down, ya’ll!  If you’ve never played spoons, find out how to play, it’s SO much fun!

The next week, I went to a party with the mix group, which is just 20-30’s singles.  I didn’t know many there, but there were a lot of laughs.  There was gingerbread house making…with graham crackers.  Some houses looked great, and others were a good attempt.  We played Dirty Santa there, as well, and I took a can of Spam and a can of Spaghetti.  I had a can of spam in the house (luckily, for a good gag gift).  Karma came around, and it gave me THIS…

A package of Gongju, which, according to ther part that’s written in English on the back of the package, it’s CHRYSANTHEMUMS!!!  I didn’t know people drank dried up flowers for tea!  The back of the package says to put 6-8 of the flowers in hot water, but I just can’t muster up the courage to try it.

I think the Christmas parties are my favorite part of the season.  It just gives everyone a chance to unwind from the stresses of the season, and enjoy what’s truly important to you!  I know, for me, it’s my family. In 2007, I couldn’t spend the holiday with my family, and then realized how much being alone on the holiday sucks (for lack of a better word). Then, last year, I realized I need MY family.  I went to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving, and it just made me terribly homesick.  I’m headed up to Michigan tomorrow, to spend the holiday with family, and can’t wait!  One of the perks of being jobless is having such a flexible schedule LOL, but I’m ready to have a little less flexibility!

Common Sense Rules For Holiday Eating

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or  something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.   Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long  naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

Have a great holiday season!

Mark Your Calendars – December

December is . . . . Hi Neighbor Month, National Stress Free Family Holiday Month, Bingo’s Birthday Month, and Read A New Book Month

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December 1 is . . . . . National Pie Day and Eat A Red Apple Day

December 2 is . . . . . National Fritters Day

December 3 is . . . . . National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day

December 4 is . . . . . Wear Brown Shoes Day

December 5 is . . . . . National Sacher Torte Day, and No Gays For A Day Day

December 6 is . . . . . National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day

December 7 is . . . . . National Cotton Candy Day

December 8 is . . . . . Take It In The Ear Day

December 9 is . . . . . National Pastry Day

December 10 is . . . . Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales

December 11 is . . . . National Noodle Ring Day

December 12 is . . . . National Ding-A-Ling Day

December 13 is . . . . Ice Cream and Violins Day

December 14 is . . . . National Bouillabaisse Day

December 15 is . . . . National Lemon Cupcake Day

December 16 is . . . . National Chocolate Covered Anything Day 

December 17 is . . . . Underdog Day and National Maple Syrup Day

December 18 is . . . . National Roast Suckling Pig Day

December 19 is . . . . Oatmeal Muffin Day

December 20 is . . . . Games Day

December 21 is . . . . Look At The Bright Side Day, National Flashlight Day, National French Fried Shrimp Day, and Hamburger Day

December 22 is . . . . National Date-Nut Bread Day

December 23 is . . . . Roots Day

December 24 is . . . . National Egg Nog Day

December 25 is . . . . National Pumpkin Pie Day

December 26 is . . . . National Whiners Day

December 27 is . . . . National Fruitcake Day

December 28 is . . . . Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day

December 29 is . . . . Pepper Pot Day

December 30 is . . . . Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day

December 31 is . . . . Unlucky Day