Tag Archive: January


January is . . . . National Careers in Cosmetology Month, National Eye Health Care Month, National Fiber Focus Month, National Hobby Month, National Soup Month, Hot Tea Month, Oatmeal Month, Prune Breakfast Month


January 1 is . . . . .First Foot Day and Z Day (holiday that can be celebrated by letting all those poor unfortunate people with names that start with Z be first in line)

January 2 is . . . . .Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day

January 3 is . . . . .Festival of Sleep Day

January 4 is . . . . .Trivia Day and Humiliation Day

January 5 is . . . . .Bird Day

January 6 is . . . . .Bean Day

January 7 is . . . . .Old Rock Day

January 8 is . . . . .National JoyGerm Day and Man Watcher’s Day

January 9 is . . . . . Play God Day

January 10 is . . . . Peculiar People Day

January 11 is . . . . National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day

January 12 is . . . . Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day

January 13 is . . . . Make Your Dream Come True Day and Blame Someone Else Day

January 14 is . . . . National Dress Up Your Pet Day

January 15 is . . . . Hat Day

January 16 is . . . . Hot and Spicy Food International Day and National Nothing Day

January 17 is . . . . Blessing of the Animals at the Cathedral Day

January 18 is . . . . Winnie the Pooh Day

January 19 is . . . . National Popcorn Day

January 20 is . . . . National Buttercrunch Day

January 21 is . . . . National Hugging Day

January 22 is . . . . National Answer Your Cat’s Question Day and National Blonde Brownie Day

January 23 is . . . . National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day, and Measure Your Feet Day

January 24 is . . . . Eskimo Pie Patent Day

January 25 is . . . . Opposite Day

January 26 is . . . . Australia Day

January 27 is . . . . Punch the Clock Day and Thomas Crapper Day (Thomas Crapper invented the flushing toilet)

January 28 is . . . . National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, Rattle Snake Round-Up Day

January 29 is . . . . National Cornchip Day

January 30 is . . . . Escape Day

January 31 is . . . . National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day

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Common Sense Rules For Holiday Eating

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or  something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.   Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long  naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”
Have a great holiday season!