Tag Archive: dating

How To NOT Get Asked Out Again

I’m sure EVERYONE has been on a date they would just rather shoot themselves in the foot to get out of than actually stay there and endure it, so here’s a list I found online of some sure fire ways to avoid having to see that person again:

1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.

2. Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.

3. Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice.

4. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.

5. Repeat every third third word you say say.

6. Give your claim to fame as being voted “Most obnoxious” for your high school yearbook.

7. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.

8. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don’t know what they are talking about.

9. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms
outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

10. Order a bucket of lard.

11. Ask for crayons to color the place mat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.

12. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking.

13. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.

14. Without asking, eat off your date’s plate. Eat more from their plate than they do. Or, eat leftover food from other tables.

15. Drool.

16. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs.

17. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.

18. Excuse yourself to use the rest room. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her, “What took you so long in the rest room???”

19. Recite limericks to the people at the table next to you.

20. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.

21. Beg your date to tattoo your name on his/her body.

I don’t understand men’s inability to listen!!!!! I, sadly, signed up for the Nashville Singles Line, just to see what may come of it, and i can’t get over how men over the age of 40 apparently fail to hear the part that says i am not interested in someone over the age of 40, and that I don’t need someone old enough to be my father!! Now, one guy did tell me he heard that in the ad, why don’t any of the others hear it, and I love how one guy says he’s in his 50’s but acts like he’s in his 30’s!!! So, he’s an old man who hasn’t grown up yet!!!!! Just what i want!!! Let’s just say i won’t be renewing my membership!!!! All I ever hear is men with STRONG southern drawls, and I don’t mind a southern drawl, but I don’t want someone who sounds like he was on a shrimp boat with Bubba!!!! I’m a northerner, otherwise known as a damn Yankee by southerners, I just don’t have the patience to listen to some people take so long to get their point across, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had southerners tell me I talk too fast!!!! It’s normal speed where I come from!!! Oh well, live and learn I guess!!!!